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12 April 2010 @ 12:09 am
Rant and Venting of Spleen! anonymous commntators you have competiton.  
This is a warning this post has little value except to allow me to let off a little steam!  Please feel free to run away screaming now I won't be offended, and I  may still have friends at the end of it *G*

It has brought to my attention that of late authors of Fic have been suffering abuse from anonymous commentators.  Believe me when I say i'd be overjoyed with that little problem! my issue stems from my mum.

Now for those not in the know I am a 40 year old married woman (I know I have the mentality of a 13 year old and i ain't letting go without a fight!) well the short version goes thus..... my dad died when I was 13 and I have remained at home ever since.  So I live with my mum, to say we have a complicated relationship is to suggest that Sam and Dean are slightly co-dependant.

I was once a big reader, I'm convinced to this day Terry Pratchett is very possibly god, well my mum hated me reading and so for years and years she had a concentrated campaign going to stop me reading every chance she got she put the boot in.  Well finally she won and I stopped reading anywhere where she could see me.  So guess what she is going after now?  yup my little flights of fancy.

she has dug and been snide about me being on the computer it even led to me buying a lap top so i could sit in the living room with her and keep her company, but that is still not enough.  I made the mistake of mentioning I wrote Fic (thank god she has never been able to work a computer or this would be written from a hospital; bed) and that people seemed to enjoy it.  Then came the killer I was trying to complete a challenge fic and because I'd asked to be allowed a little extra time on my lap top to get it ready in time she agreed and was going to allow me the time.

Until i tried to write during CSI which led to this.... "You know you're becoming stupid you know"

To which I replied, "Explain how I'm becoming stupid?"

"All that time on that bloody thing, writing your stupid stories, we used to be able to ask you anything and you know the answer but now you're just stupid."

to which I responded try telling JK Rowling and co they were stupid for writing, no my ego is not that big but I had to say something.

Steve my other half watched her flounce off to bed after she shreded my confidence and said, "the problem is it looks like you are enjoying something and people seem to like it, so she has to put a stop to it."  Well I managed to complete my little tale and it was enjoyed.

So a week or so passes by and nothing more has been said until tonight.  I was feeling a little down, I've hit a block in the fic of doom (hell is other people) so to cheer myself I was scribbling a little piece of fluff.  Unfortunately for me Foyle's War was about to start!

"You know you never read anymore, all you do is stare at that bloody thing, like I said just stupid."

Steve stepped in with "She reads it's just on the computer."

To which my darling mother replied "Yes but it was on loose women that everyone who uses computers gets sucked in and becomes more stupid because they don't pay attention to the world."

At this point I had to interrupt, "But mum you stopped me reading remember?"

And she responded with real pride in her voice "Yes I know i did, but at least it didn't make you stupid like this does."

so I'm sitting here alone now as  while my family watched the golf I used a tone of voice she didn't like, and now she has flounced off and made it very clear I'm in for a whole world of shit because I do something she can't take off me.

Except I think she's won again, the one thing she has never killed in me is my imagination, but god love her she keeps on trying, now I don't know whether just to give up writing to keep the peace and go back to just lurking around the comms like I used to.

Its strange to think I could probably deal with the anonymous haters, it just really hurts when its this close to home.

I'm sorry for bleating, and I promise that my normal level of stupidity will return it's just sometimes it get a bit too much, so I apologize to anyone reading this, bur sometimes you have to just bleat.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: silence
lasvegas_lightslasvegas_lights on April 11th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)
my family think i'm just as bad for spending all my time on the computer - because the stuff i read online can only be terrible writing that's not as good as published stories and all published stories are amazing and are the only things worth reading.
It drives me crazy but it never stops me because I know they are wrong, because they, just like your mum, do not understand our "world" at all. They think they do, they have many opinions on it, but they don't get it.
Keep writing!! you're stories are great
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 07:54 am (UTC)
First of all thank you for your encouragement, it meant a great deal to me. Secondly sorry for delay in responding RL kicked off and my email played up, but now I'm back. I have plot bunnies, I have stories, what I really need is a partner in crime to either spur me on or slow me down. But I anit giving up yet.

Yes mum doesn't get our world at all and whatever she doesn't understand she has to control or get rid of. I'm a fan girl and I'm not going down without a fight I tell you.
vambracevambrace on April 11th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
OMG! Your mother just wants to control you. Don't let her. She reminds me of my mother. I'm not going to ask why you're still living with her---but remember you're Living with her. If you enjoy reading and writing fic as much as I do (it's the most fun I've ever had) then don't give it up!! We would miss you.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 07:56 am (UTC)
Mum's always been controlling, its something I'm used to. Just sonmetimes it's a little hard to take, as for living with her, well it was suggested by the family as I'm the only child and it was felt she needed taking care of.

There is a happy ending to this tall of woe, a post called rant the epilogue, which means you ain't got rid of me yet. I have stories I want to try and write and I'm going to do my best to do it.
 Late Night Drops of Random: Pissed Tommoondropz on April 12th, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
Do not let her win this battle. yes-a battle. This is your time, your enjoyment. I live with my dad-taking care of him so I know how hard it is to find that time and just lose yourself for a little bit. If you let her win this-what will she try for next? I don't want to sound nasty-I just know how much I enjoy our convos on here and in my lj and comm. You need this time-for YOU. Steve is fine with this-the only one who has an issue with it is her-and you are so NOT STUPID!
*Hugs you*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 12:08 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* well you know ayou ain't got rid of me yet, I refuse to go down without a fight! I'm a perv scout damnit, we are made of stern stuff. That and the fact I can't resist little tales of angst and fluff involving Jensen, the man is just too gorgeous to ignore.
 Late Night Drops of Random: Alec Squeemoondropz on April 20th, 2010 01:57 pm (UTC)
Good! I would feel bad for you if you let her win this one-you need that time! And being a perv scout is a big job! It needs more than one person-you know?! *G* :)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 06:53 pm (UTC)
If needs be I'll hide under the bed clothes! I'll never give up, besides being a perv scout is way too much fun!
 Late Night Drops of Random: Dean happy and smilingmoondropz on April 20th, 2010 09:27 pm (UTC)
You know it! *Pervs all the way* :D
     Mandy: Finally the Huga_phoenixdragon on April 12th, 2010 04:59 am (UTC)
Oh sweetheart....that is so fucking rough!! Sounds like (and forgive me) she's a bit of an attention seeker - and may not be able to enjoy reading and other activities without additional stimulus (thus it all becomes stupid). I can not believe she is PROUD cause he chased you away from reading for awhile.

I'm sorry I know that she is your mother - I will try to be more respectful.

I hope you cna muddle through honey!! I've read and loved your fic! Never be afraid, intimiated or bullied into giving that up, darling!!

*Loves on you*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 12:12 pm (UTC)
Mum can be an attention seeker that is true. I'd lost track of the date and last Tuesday was dad's birthday, and an almost gauranteed trigger to set mum off.

But now as you know i'm back and so far I have...hang on at least three little tales on the go, I'm just not sure if they are good enough to continue with or if I've gone overboard on the angst!

But I shall battle on and I know that Jensen will just be bloody glad he doesn't belong to me *G*

     Mandy: Fadea_phoenixdragon on April 20th, 2010 01:03 pm (UTC)
Damn, I'm sorry, honey...*meep*!

Ohhh, I wanna read 'em!!

Hee! He's always grateful he doesn't belong to me, either...

sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 07:02 pm (UTC)
Damn you're brave wanting to read my scribblings.

Bless there's just something about Jensen that makes him look even more gorgeous if he's covered in bruises. I know I know I can't help it.
     Mandy: -Dies-a_phoenixdragon on April 21st, 2010 12:41 am (UTC)
Your scribblings kick ass!!


Dude...YES. THIS...is why I feel compelled to abuse him - though everyone claims to like it, but wants me to fix it, too! *Cackles*

*Smishes you again*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 21st, 2010 12:21 pm (UTC)
*Blushes* They do really? like I said I have a few unfinished on my hard drive that I don't know what to do with.

I admit it, I like abusing the poor boy, but I always try to put him back the way I found him. *G*

     Mandy: I Like It Rougha_phoenixdragon on April 21st, 2010 12:56 pm (UTC)
Eee!! Finish - and share!!!

*Laughs* I have a harder time with that, but I always try to get him somewhat pulled back together!!

sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 22nd, 2010 07:49 am (UTC)
Well I took your advice and finished one and posted it already!

Oh I always put him back together, I like Jared taking care of him *G*
     Mandy: Finally the Huga_phoenixdragon on April 22nd, 2010 02:32 pm (UTC)
Eeeee!! *Claps hands!!*

I'm gonna find it!


It's a weakness we all feel, I think, lol!! Poor Jensen - we like to hurt him cause he's so strong and can TAKE it - but it's always nice to have Jared pick up the pieces.

sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 22nd, 2010 10:16 pm (UTC)
I hope you do find it, it's the third part of a little verse I seemed to have developed, who knew?

I know its a weakness and a very guilty pleasure, but I agree with you, Jensen's a strong boy and he take the abuse as long as Jared's around to look after him!

don't call my nametransfixeddream on April 12th, 2010 01:31 pm (UTC)
Aw, that sucks :( But you want to be on the computer, so she shouldn't be trying to get you down. Besides, I find that I learn something new each day on the internet, so don't believe her when she tells you otherwise

*big hug*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 12:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the comment, well I dusted myself off, fired off another journal entry and set out my stall for writing. As for learning something new I agree after all only last week I was researching St Sebastian for a little epic that is nibbling at my huddled brain cells *G*

Karfraeghkarfraegh on April 12th, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC)
She will never kill your imagination babe, no one can unless you let them. And your mum? She sounds like a spoiled child... this makes me so mad that she talks to you like that...

Am on IM on and off today babe... so please talk to me...

Hugs x
deans_cookie on April 13th, 2010 12:24 am (UTC)
*hugs you*

I'm sorry that your mom makes you feel that way...I know you love her and feel loyal to her, but that's just wrong. You SHOULD stand up for yourself!

And I'm glad that your other half also spoke up for you. If Steve doesn't mind the time you spend on the computer than your mom shouldn't (you might bring that up next time too).

You should also tell her that computers don't make you stupid...for that matter, computers open up all sorts of new information and that you're actually learning more and more every day! For example, if something comes up on a show that you're unsure of (in a CSI show or something) than you can look that up and educate your self further!

I hope the next couple of days gets better for you!

If it's any consolation, I lived on my own for a while...from age 30-35, in another town, and loved it...BUT I had to come back home...so I could be there for my mom who is disabled and also for personal reasons.

However, I didn't just move in with my mom, but I also now live with my grandmother (she and mom moved in together to make life easier) and my 45 year old retarded foster aunt! 2 women who have been through menopause and one that is going through it!!!! And then me (I'll be 39 in May)! LOL

And Please, Please, Please do NOT stop writing....I like a lot of your fics!!!!! I'd really miss you! :(
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 20th, 2010 12:19 pm (UTC)
*Hugs back*

Thank you for your lovely encouraging comment. Sorry I didn't repond before but RL has been manic (along with mum) and along with email woes I'm just clearing uup my back logue now!

I do feel guilty for bleating, I know there are many poeople out there in much worse situations than myself, it's just sometimes you have to let off steam and stop bottling things up.

Well I also fired off a little epilogue to this laying out future Fics I would like to write. So it looks like I might be sticking around for a little while longer *G*
velvetsun: J2: Jensen's utterly lickable! Mmm.velvetsun on April 22nd, 2010 05:44 pm (UTC)
I just came across this post while I was catching up on your stories and I had to say something b/c I've seen this most of my life. My grandmother was awful to my mother. Forcing control to the point of abuse until it just broke her. Don't let her do that to you. It's your life and you have every right to do with it what you want. Your other half seems supportive of your writing so draw strength from that and continue to do things that you enjoy. I know it's probably easier said than done, but don't give up, 'kay? =) Hang in there.

(Have an utterly lickable Jensen icon. One has to smile at that!)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 22nd, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you and as soon as I tear my eyes off that lovely icon I will respond. Right I'm back with you now, like I say mum and I have a complicated relationship, when she is good she is great, and then when she turns I get rants like these. I think in her own mind she id saying tis for my own good, you know improve on me as a person.

Well I'm not giving up the fan girling and writing, I've find a place and people I enjoy being with and I'm not going down without a fight. *hugs*