Word count: 2200
Summary: Jared and Jensen Continue to explore the new aspects of their relationship and what it means to give up control to another. Both of them come to an important decision about the nature of their relationship.
Warnings: Dom/Sub themes.
Notes: This is a continuation of the verse I started with Take Care Of You, and Breathe.
Disclaimer: These gorgeous men are not mine sad to say, and this is a complete work of fiction. But it doesn’t stop us dreaming about what could be. Beta'd by the awesome bigj52
Jared was leaning against the island in the kitchen, drinking a cup a coffee. He was relaxing, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of the room. The dogs were outside on the yard and if he glanced over his shoulder he could see Jensen as he lay sleeping on their couch.
Held loosely in his left hand was a leather bracelet; Jared was gently running his thumb over the strands of leather. He’d been very pleasantly surprised when Jensen had come to him after they had finished filming on episode eight of season five. It had been fun, and the angst had been at a minimum for the last couple of episodes. So when Jensen had approached him, his eyes slightly downcast and a faint blush highlighting his cheeks, this same bracelet no longer on his right wrist but already in his left hand, Jared had been left speechless.
Jensen had smiled as he handed over the bracelet; he offered no explanation, just a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jared had asked his usual question “Jensen, what’s your safe word and what do you need?” The reply had been as simple as it was startling, “Clay...you.” No matter what he did Jensen would say no more; he’d given complete control to Jared without the slightest hesitation.
It had been intoxicating; throughout the weekend Jared had never felt more alive. The sex had been the most intense, toe-curling, almost heart-stopping he’d ever experienced. He taken Jensen closer to his boundaries than ever before, and then skirted the razor’s edge of him, using his safe word without ever crossing that fine line.
But the most satisfying aspect of the weekend had been in the quiet moments they’d shared. The intimate touches, even just the act of washing Jensen’s hair in the shower had held a level of closeness that had enthralled him. It was becoming addictive and Jared yearned for more.
The need to turn round and just look at Jensen had been simmering in his gut for a while, to just drink in the sight of him as he slept. Finally he surrendered to his needs and slowly turned round. Jensen curled up on his side, head resting on one arm. He was snuggled down in one of Jared’s favourite sweatshirts, he had been picked out for Jensen to wear because it brought out the green in his eyes.
Jared had been in total control all weekend from what they ate to when they ate, even down to what television they’d watched. Jensen had submitted completely, and Jared had never felt closer to the man he loved. Every wall and defense mechanism was stripped away, what was left was pure Jensen. Jared had never seen him so open and unguarded; it was all there in his eyes. They were the windows to Jensen’s soul, no doubt of that, and even after all this time there was still an element of wariness in those green depths. But over these past couple of days even that was gone and all Jared could see reflected back at him was complete trust and love, no fear, or need to protect himself. He had finally slipped past the last of the walls and it had been breath-taking.
Jared found himself wondering just what it would be like if it was always like this; to be in total control; having Jensen following his every command; to be able to fully take care of Jensen and protect him from the world. For a few moments it was a wonderful thought, to have Jensen be so completely his, but then Jared understood he could never do that. He could not strip Jensen of his independence, he would miss the fire in those eyes when he annoyed him, he wanted the man Jensen was.
The complex package of strength, and vulnerability, the armour he wore that was as hard as diamonds, but could be as fine as silk, allowing wounds that left scars on his heart. How Jensen didn’t understand just how beautiful he was both on the outside and inside and last but not least, the greatest gift of all his submission. It was something Jared should earn not expect. He loved being the one Jensen turned to and entrusted this gift to. No, he would miss that Jensen, and so these times were precious when he was allowed the privilege of seeing the naked Jensen; the one who kneeled and begged; the man who Jared held in his arms and kept safe.
Jared smiled to himself as he set the bracelet down onto the work surface to wait for Jensen to wake up. Then he would happily give back Jensen his control once more.
Jensen lay watching Jared through half-closed eyes, never more grateful for his long “girly “eyelashes. This weekend had been an adventure for him. He’d wanted to know just what it would feel like to truly let go and give Jared complete control.
It had been exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Jensen shifted slightly, he was aching in places he never knew he had. Jared had nearly taken him apart at the seams and put him put together again. He’d never felt anything like it. It had been amazing and he felt like he was flying at times, and that he’d never come back down.
After the bouts of mind-blowing sex, and body-melting massages, Jensen had studied Jared. Jared was in his element being in command of Jensen, each order coloured with love and affection.
Jensen had never felt so protected and loved. It felt as if he was the centre of the universe and Jared moved in a graceful orbit around him. The only time he'd even remotely felt like calling ‘clay’ had been when he’d seen Jared look at him while they had been just watching TV.
The look had been intense, as if he was the single, most precious thing that Jared possessed; it was a look that held such devotion that he'd felt unworthy of it, and it had been a little overwhelming having that much attention focused on him. But it had been liberating as well. Jared made all the decisions, Jensen had felt free.
It shook Jensen how much he’d been affected by this, how very easy it would be just to give himself over to Jared forever. No worries, no problems knowing Jared would always be there to take care of him. It was a seductive thought; Jared seemed more than happy to deal with everything.
He wondered if he could really do that. Show the outside world the confident but reserved and controlled actor, and yet here alone with Jared just let himself go, surrender completely, allow himself to be guided in everything he did, just like this weekend when they had made a meal together. Jared had set him to work and as he’d chopped the vegetables Jared had stepped behind him. He’d wrapped his arms around him, and placed his hands gently over his to alter the way the food was being prepared. A warm voice whispered in his ear, “No, I need them finer, follow me.” Jensen had shivered under that touch, he had resisted for only a second before he’d just let his hands be steered until Jared had been satisfied.
It would be so easy to become lost in this world. He didn’t need his normal walls and filters, he could be completely open, and Jared would never hurt him. Then he considered. Was he contemplating this for Jared’s sake, was this something he could truly live with? To become so dependent on another human being. There was a freedom that was so appealing, to just become a slave to Jared’s strong nature. Jared had been so happy this weekend, and he'd been surprised at what he’d been prepared to do just to hear a word of praise from him.
In his heart though, Jensen knew he could never live like that. These times were special, they were his safety valve. If anything, this weekend had proved that this was their own little world - a place of sanctuary. Whilst they were in this sanctuary, the world could be kept at bay, but he knew the world remained and there was only so long a man should hide away.
It was time to leave the safety of their world and return to the real world. Jensen yawned, and stretched, feeling the faint echoes of the weekend deep within his muscles. It was time to get up and reclaim his bracelet and all it carried with it. He was ready.
Jared looked on as Jensen stirred on the couch, and he knew that the other man would soon be up and about. He was going to pour a cup of coffee for him, but Jared wanted to watch as Jensen stretched. Images of Jensen stretched out helpless, breathless, pleading with his eyes to be allowed to come, flashed through his mind. Jared’s mouth went dry as he watched the stretch, the body arching off the couch, Jensen’s head tilting back, allowing him an unhindered view of his slender neck. The desire to just go over there and lick that neck assaulted him, but he remained steadfast and busied himself with making the coffee.
Jensen sat up, blinked as the world returned properly into focus. Jared missed Jensen wearing glasses, he knew that, but then again he'd also enjoyed taking care of Jensen after his laser surgery. Jared had more than been compensated for his loss.
Jensen stood and rubbed at his eyes, then made his way slowly to where Jared stood. He took the offered cup of coffee with a grateful smile, enjoying its warmth both from the cup in his hands and as he sipped at it.
Both men stood in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. The bracelet lay on the work surface between them. They regarded it closely. Three twisted strands of black leather, with rectangular blocks of silver that the strands ran through. To the casual observer it was a pleasant piece of jewellery, but to Jensen and Jared it represented strength and the willingness to surrender that strength to another.
Finally Jensen’s left hand reached out and hovered just above it, his fingers just grazing its surface, before pulling the hand back. Jared quirked an eyebrow silently in question. Jensen ran his fingers through his short hair before rubbing the back of his neck, a gesture that he shared with Dean whenever he was nervous.
“Have you ever wondered what it would be like if....?” Jensen’s voice faded to silence. Jared’s heart hammered in his chest, Jensen had considered this? To hand himself over, completely give him permanent control. Jared ran his tongue across his bottom lip, before worrying at it with his teeth.
“I won’t lie, Jensen; I have considered it this weekend. I have loved every single moment of our time together like this. But I want these times to remain special and to have you come to me and offer up your control is the biggest thrill of all. I never want to take it for granted.”
Jared reached out and took Jensen’s hand in his, staring into those green eyes which showed every single thought and feeling. Jensen took a deep breath and smiled at him.
“I understand, Jared. I‘ve been feeling the same. This has been a great experience and I want to do it again someday but for now I think it’s time, don’t you?” With that both men looked down at the bracelet that lay between them.
Jensen nodded and held out his right wrist, and Jared let go of his hand. He picked up the bracelet, running his fingers over the leather once more and then he fastened the bracelet back round Jensen’s wrist.
Jared allowed his hand to linger on the bracelet as he looked up into Jensen’s eyes. He watched as the shields and walls slowly rebuilt, once more cocooning Jensen within their protective embrace. A subtle shift flowed down Jensen’s body. Where before there had been a slightly lowered head with eyes downcast, now the back was straighter, his eyes no longer lowered and yes, there it was, that gorgeous half-smile that played across Jensen’s lips, just bordering on a smirk.
Jared let go of the bracelet and moved his hand to stroke Jensen’s cheek. He leant forward and kissed Jensen. Before, Jensen had allowed him to dominate their kisses, now there was a duel going on between them. For each move Jared made Jensen countered, leaving him dizzy as Jensen’s tongue swept over his lower lip quickly followed by a slight nip to his lower lip as Jensen nibbled at it. Finally the kiss broke, leaving both men breathless.
Jared grinned at Jensen and he moved round the island to stand in front of him. He loved Jensen for everything he was and he wouldn’t change a thing about him. As he pulled Jensen into his arms, Jared whispered softly into his ear “Welcome back.”
Jensen smiled in return and responded “It’s good to be back.”