Later that night I watched the latest episode, well I say watched but it didn't really sink in, I was too busy staring at my lap top screen in shock still trying to come to terms with what was happening. All day yesterday I felt a strange sense of disconnection unable to settle and then I sat and watched Wendigo and everything was fine, I was enjoying season one Sam and Dean thinking how young they were and I was loving Dean's cocky swagger. Then of course we came to one of the most famous scenes in the series as Dean sits in front of Sam holding John's journal and utters the immortal words:
"This is why. (holds up their dad's journal) This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off, you know, saving people, hunting things. The family business."
I admit there was a tear in the eye things were wobbly fro a second but then I went back to perving over baby Dean. I even held it together when I sopke to chellexx and I said to her, "It sounds awful but i didn't want to talk to you today, becuse the moment Ido it becomes real." Chelle agreed with me and then we had a good talk and it felt good to vent a bit.
The mask finally crashed to the floor when I made the mistake of watching the announcement again, there was sobbing and ugly crying it was cathartic, do I feel better I don't actually know I'm still coming to terms with the whole thing.
The only thing I do know is I won't walk away from the people I found here, the happy band of sisters and brothers who love the little show that could with all their hearts, that we as a family will carry on and that more than anything gives me comfort and lightens the mood a little.