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30 September 2010 @ 09:37 pm
Damn Hurt/Comfort Writers, (1/1) Xover Supernatural, Leverage, White Collar  

Title: Damn Hurt/Comfort Writers!
Word Count: 12160. (Some days I just can’t help myself)
Rating: PG-13, language and gratuitous abuse of hot guys
Summary:  Sam Winchester wakes up in a cell and he is not alone.  He is sharing his cell with Alec Hardison and Peter Burke, with Dean, Eliot Spencer and Neal Caffrey missing. He realizes that they have been taken by the most heinous force in the universe....Fan Girls!
Pairing: None, but there is a cast of the hottest men in various fandom’s
Disclaimer:  I don’t own Supernatural, Leverage or White Collar, because if I did...Neal would be painting my bedroom wall half naked, Eliot would be in the corner playing his guitar...as for Dean...did I mention bedroom? Oh yes please don’t sue.
Warnings:  This is very possibly a crack fic, well anyone who puts Fan Fic writers in the middle of a hurt/comfort fic...go figure.
Notes:   This act of insanity was born simply because I wanted to try and write Sam and Dean in character, then it sort of got hijacked by the other guys and this idea has been used before by better writers than me.  But I’m sorry I had to do it.  As always many thanks to my wonderful betabigj52 .

 

  

There was a moment of horrified silence at the prospect. Neal shook himself and continued, “Look, it makes sense and one of them is in charge. All we got to do is figure out which one it is and aim our attack at her.”

 Eliot was beginning to get behind this plan. Damn! It was better than listening to Hardison’s usual litany of “Don’t die, Eliot...please don’t die...I don’t wanna have to tell Parker, Sophie or Nate I got you killed, don’t die, dude.” 

“So Neal, how can we tell which one’s the brains of this particular little fun factory?”  Eliot was intrigued. 

“Well, it’s a simple process of elimination. Figure out which one of us is the most badly hurt.  I think mine is new to this, well, I’m pretty ok and the typing was somewhat hesitant.” 

Eliot nodded enthusiastically, “I get ya, ok then, pretty much covered in bruises, and a couple of cracked ribs and my right ankle’s sprained.   I’m sure they passed the keyboard along to one another, ‘cause I heard the slow typing from where they must have had you.  Mine had a pretty good rhythm going, a little prone to over describing.  Then it moved on, and the sound coming from that room was like a fucking machine gun.” Eliot stopped talking and his blue eyes focused intently on Dean. 

In fact, every pair of eyes was focused on Dean who was finding the wall behind Eliot utterly absorbing. Sam growled at his brother, “Dean, what are you hiding? They had you way too long for just a black eye and dislocated shoulder. Come on, spill.”

 Dean looked back stubbornly, “Nothing Sam. I’m fine. Nothing else happened and I did my shoulder ‘cause I was strung up by my wrists. Now can we concentrate on Neal’s plan?” 

Sam’s eyes narrowed and he looked at Dean, checking for his usual tells when he was in pain and trying to hide it; the line between the eyebrows- check, avoiding Sam’s eyes - check, the distraction techniques...bingo!  “Ok Dean, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Where else are you hurt?” 

Alec had been watching, fascinated, as the brothers had interacted. So much was being said without words.  “So what’s the easy way, then?” Alec asked, enjoying the show; Dean shot him a threatening look. 

Sam replied to the question, “Well, the easy way is Dean shows me where he is hurt....and the hard way...” 

Alec caught the look in Sam’s eyes, “I guess I don’t want to know about the hard way.” He gave a nervous laugh. 

Dean smirked at Alec, “The hard way is when Sam pins me down on the bed and takes my clothes off, and the cheap bastard doesn’t even buy me a beer first.”   

Alec pulled a face “Eeeewwww! That’s way too much information, dude. I did not need to hear that!  Oh, please God, tell me you gonna go with the easy way.” 

Sam was staring at Dean’s shirt and finally he gave in, “You know, dude, I swear this morning when we left the motel you were wearing your plaid shirt. So where did the green one come from?” 

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck, and went on the attack, “What? So you’re the fashion police now? I was wearing this, now lay off me.” Dean lowered his head, self conscious under all the scrutiny. 

“No, it was definitely the plaid shirt because it was the only one clean enough to be fighting its way out of your duffle bag to fresh air.  Your clothes are in pretty good shape, no rips or dirt, so what are they hiding?”  Sam moved away from Dean and got onto his knees, he reached towards Dean. 

Dean slapped at Sam’s hands, “Hey! Hands off the merchandise, dude. Alright, alright, have it your own way, Sam, I’ve had worse.”  Sam put his hands on his hips and pursed his lips at Dean. 

Dean gave a put upon sigh and struggled to his knees. He looked round the room at the others then he slowly shuffled round on his knees. Once he’d turned his back on them he reached for his shirts.  When he tried to pull them up his left arm gave a jolt of pain, “Son of a bitch...I hate to ask but can I get a little help here to put Samantha’s mind at ease?” 

Eliot moved beside Dean, and he clinically pulled the shirts up. Dean looked at him gratefully, Eliot understood. It was killing Dean to show weakness, it was better for him to do this than his brother.   

The moment Dean’s back was exposed there was a chorus of gasps; his back was a mess, covered in welts from his shoulders, disappearing beneath his waist band.  Sam reached forward again to see how far down the welts went, “Sam, you go there and I will end you.”

 Peter stared in horrified fascination, “What the hell did that?” he gasped. 

“Sorry, but how about the next time they whip me I’ll ask them what they’re using. Come on, man, I wasn’t exactly paying all that much attention and that is how I dislocated my shoulder. I was trying to get free when it went.” 

“Dean...” Sam’s voice held a warning tone; Dean sighed and looked over at Peter. 

“No need to apologise, Dean, it was a stupid question. Shit! They must hurt.”  Peter winced in sympathy. While they had been talking Eliot had been closely examining Dean’s back, looking at the marks. 

Eliot straightened up and then he barked out “Bull whip” 

“Bless you, dude.”  Dean responded, “You can tell a bull whip did that just by looking at my back?”   

Eliot lowered Dean’s shirts and helped him turn round and sit down. As he moved back to where Alec sat, he nodded, “They leave very distinctive welts.”  With that, he looked at Neal. 

Sam sighed a little, “Well, it could be worse, I suppose. At least you don’t have a cold as well this time.” 

Peter looked bemused, “I know I’m going to regret this but...a cold?” 

Sam nodded enthusiastically, “Oh yeah, some of the girls love giving Dean a cold. They think he’s just adorable when he’s all sneezy and feverish and it really, really makes their week if they can get him dressed in one of my hoodies. I gotta say, man, look at you, beat to hell, dislocated shoulder, forgot to mention you’d been flogged.  But give you a cold and you’re helpless, it’s all “Sab, can you get me a drink, and whinging. God, the whinging, you’d think he was dying.”  Sam rolled his eyes and gave a fond laugh at his now scowling brother. 

Eliot gave Dean a shit-eating grin on hearing that “I can imagine just how cute he looks like that, all big watery eyes and red nosed.” 

Dean gave Eliot a death glare that was blistering the paint behind him but Eliot just sat there smiling serenely.   

“Yeah, the last time they did that it was a real barrel of laughs. Not only did they give me Swine Flu, they beat me up in a bar fight after some pool hustling went wrong.  You try that with a broken nose and cracked ribs. It felt like I was exploding every goddamn time I sneezed.” 

Sam couldn’t help but grin on memory “Oh, I remember that one, projectile snot and vomit. Gross did not cover it, and it cost me two hoodies.  It’s not as if we have an unlimited wardrobe” 

Neal was sitting there in awe watching the whole conversation. Finally Peter gave him a gentle nudge, “Well then, it looks like we have a winner. The alpha fan girl is the ‘Dean’ girl, I think we should be able to distract her long enough to get away.” 

“How we gonna do that? And what about the keyboard?”  Alec asked. 

“Simple. We lure the girls in here and then we get the keyboard off them.  Alec, just how good a hacker are you?”  Neal asked innocently

 Alec grinned, “I don’t want to brag but I’m the best. Why? What do you want me to hack?”

 “Nothing, but could you give their hard drive a little virus so we can get clear?”   

Alec grinned back at Neal, “No problem, age of the geek, Neal. Piece of cake.” 

Peter tapped Neal on the shoulder, “That’s all well and good but how the hell do we get them in here without their goons?”

 “Well, if Alec’s virus works then I should imagine the goons won’t be a problem. As for how to get the ladies in here, I think we should give them what they want.” 

Peter was still puzzled and Dean gave a heartfelt groan, “Crap, really? Are you sure it won’t work with one of you guys?”  Neal shook his head and Dean shot a glare at Sam who was grinning at him. 

“All we need now is some bait to entice the girls close enough for us to grab the keyboard; I think that’s your department, Sam.”  Neal looked at Sam who nodded. 

“I don’t want to worry you about your stunning plan but you still haven’t told me how you’re actually going to get them in the cell?”  Peter threw up his hands in frustration. 

Dean just grinned at him and looked at the corner of the room, “Real simple, Peter. Smile, you’re on candid camera.”  Peter noticed the small surveillance cameras for the first time. 

“Well, I’ll be damned. I never even saw them, and I must be slipping. Well then, what else do we need to do? Come on, I need to go and get Elizabeth back.”  With that, the six men continued to plot. 

In the room next door three women sat, gathered round a television screen with a bucket of popcorn.  They had pushed their ski masks up so they were perched on top of their heads. “Thanks, you guys, for bringing me along, and letting me practice my writing on Neal. It’s been really cool.”  The first woman was watching the screen excitedly; she had never done this before so it was all new to her.  Her companions were more experienced and were slouched low in their chairs, watching the screen with interest.   

“Look! I’m telling you it was a mistake not to have sound installed. Now we can’t hear what they’re saying, and where’s the comfort at? I mean, just pulling up Dean’s shirt and laughing at him isn’t very comforting.  I knew I should’ve broken Eliot’s ankle. At least, we’d have got some bandaging action, maybe even shirts being used for bandages.”  The ‘Eliot’ girl was grumbling. 

The ‘Dean’ girl was glued to the screen; there was no way in hell she was going to admit that she was distraught that Sam hadn’t been the one to remove Dean’s shirts.  Or to gently apply cool water-soaked cloths to his abused back. Damn! She needed to go back and write that.   She noticed something, the handful of popcorn on its way to her mouth froze and she shot bolt upright in her chair. 

Sam was lying on his bed and he appeared to be writhing in agony! Shit! “Ok, which one of you is doing that? I thought we agreed no cross hurting; we stick to our boys, no freelancing.  Come on, own up.” The ‘Dean’ girl looked at the other two women and then noticed the wireless keyboard sat in front on the screen.  She gulped, “Oh, crap no! Oh, please let him be alright.” 

She watched in horror as Sam appeared to be getting worse, Dean was holding his hand trying to calm him down.   This was normally cause for much celebration and a large glass of red wine, but right now things were serious. Neal had moved to the other side of the bed and Eliot was frantically going though their medical supplies. 

“What’s wrong? I thought you liked the idea of ‘em getting sick?” asked the ‘Neal’ girl. 

The ‘Dean’ girl turned to look at her, “Are you nuts? Do you know what will happen to me if anything happens to Sam?  Listen, if the guy dies in there we can’t bring him back! Look, our writing has caused all the injuries, right? We can hurt ‘em and put ‘em back together, no problem. But this is happening without our help.  Do you know what the other ‘Sam’ girls will do to me? I know two who will hunt me down and make what I’d planned for Dean look like a weekend at a Spa.  Oh shit, now what’s happening?”

 The men had gathered round Sam, blocking him from the cameras. The three women huddled together, panicking. The ‘Eliot’ girl said, “Surely you can tell the others it was an accident?” 

The ‘Dean’ girl whimpered, “They’ll never believe me. Besides, do you think I’ll live long enough to explain. We have an agreement that no hurt/comfort writer does a death fic without consultation first, or at least a very strongly written author’s warning.  They’ll think I’ve gone dark side.  It’s no good, we’re going to have to go in there and see what’s happening.”  The other two gasped in horror. 

“No, we can’t, they’ll kill us! I know that they have some idea what’s happening by the amount of times we’ve worked over Eliot and Dean. Now it’s happening to Neal as well, we’ll never get close enough.  Besides, I don’t think Sam will have any problems stringing one of us up for hurting his brother. Remember Alistair and Lilith.”  The ‘Eliot’ girl was gibbering. 

“We don’t have a choice here; if I go down, we all go down.  Besides, Sam’s detoxed off the demon blood, and I’m pretty sure we could make it to the door before it’s too late.  No, ladies, this is for the greater good, and the fact my ass is on the line. We’re going in.  I’ll man the keyboard, I might be without a beta but I type faster and have a greater incentive.  Hell hath no fury than a bunch of pissed-off ‘Sam’ girls... with the exception of pissed-off ‘Dean’ girls, and if I break Dean because I managed to kill Sam on my watch, then nowhere is safe for me’ not even bloody Grey’s fandom.” 

With that, the ‘Dean’ girl put down the popcorn, stood up and brushed off her dark clothes and looked expectantly at the other two.  The ‘Eliot’ girl sighed and nodded; she stood and pulled the ‘Neal’ girl to her feet as well. They swiftly pulled down their ski masks, and the three of them stood there, figures of dark-clothed menace and power.  The image was only slightly marred by the fact the ‘Dean’ girl had, had to cut two extra holes in her mask so she could still wear her glasses over the top of hers.

 The ‘Neal’ girl reverently handed over the keyboard. Just as they prepared to sweep into the locked room the sound of typing could be heard and four Henchmen flickered into life.  This time they were bigger and uglier than before. Just as they reached the door, the ‘Dean’ girl offered a quick prayer to the Holy Trinity - Carter, Wheedon and Kripke - that the batteries would hold up in the keyboard and the three of them were ready. 

In the cell the men heard the faint sounds of voices outside the door. Neal looked round the room, “Gentlemen, are we ready? Remember your roles and good luck.  You, especially Dean, we’re all relying on you to make this convincing.”  Dean rolled his neck and took some deep breaths. Sam gave his hand a squeeze and a convincing moan as the door opened.  On hearing that moan, Dean focused completely. This was just another hunt and he wasn’t about to let Sam get hurt.  Dean looked down and fixed Sam with a look that promised he would get him out of there, even if he had to throw himself at the fan girls to do it.

 The Henchmen entered the room and stood inside the door, glaring round the room. On the bed Sam moaned even louder and rolled around. Dean gripped his hand tightly.  The women crept into the room, waiting to be attacked but the men seemed utterly intent on the drama unfolding in front of them.  They stood, uncertain of what to do, the last thing they’d expected was to be ignored. Rushed, yes, hell, even the distraction of having Eliot and Neal strip (they’d been praying for that one) but ignored.....that hadn’t even figured in the plans. 

“Now, what? I was expecting to have to fight our way out.”  The ‘Eliot’ girl hissed; the ‘Dean’ girl relaxed slightly, her fingers poised over the keys in case of attack.  Suddenly Dean stood up and spun round as if hearing them for the first time.  The women tensed for attack, and then they looked at Dean’s face.

 He was pale and drawn, his handsome features a mask of distress and concern. He bit down on his full bottom lip and went to speak, his throat worked as if he was struggling for the right words.  The women were entranced by this display, unable to tear their eyes away. Neal nodded slightly and the others began to drift into position. 

They moved away from the bed, slowly fanning out as not to draw attention to what was happening. Eliot and Peter moved level with the Henchmen; they were to attack in case Dean failed. Alec was moving further back so he was level with the woman with the keyboard and Neal remained firmly in their eye line in case a distraction was needed.  Now it was all down to Dean. 

Dean took a faltering half-step forward and stopped, his breathing gave a painful hitch, and he moved his right hand across his body to support his injured left arm.  “Please, you have to help me. Sam’s sick, I know you don’t have to, but he’s all I’ve got. I can’t lose him.”  Dean’s words were soft and pleading, his pained green eyes fixed unblinking on the fan girls. The ‘Dean’ girl was wavering, so the ‘Eliot’ girl stepped in. 

“What’s wrong with him? He seemed aright a little while ago.”  Her words were suspicious and nervous and she was just about to look round to see where the others had gotten to when Dean spoke. 

“He’s been sick on and off for the last couple of days now. He’s been complaining of gut ache and gas! Oh Jesus! The gas got so bad I nearly had to ask him to hang his ass out of the Impala’s window.”  Dean paused and from the bed came a disgruntled huff, followed by the sound of a gasp.  No one saw Neal give the mattress a sly kick when Sam started to grumble under his breath about pain-in-the-ass big brothers. 

The ‘Eliot’ girl’s head jerked round at the sound and Dean knew it was time to pull out the big guns. “I think it’s his appendix, the pain is down the right hand side and he’s been feeling sick. Please, I’m begging you.  He really needs to get to a hospital.” 

The’ Eliot’ girl hissed into her friend’s ear, “Fuck, I hope he’s lying or we’re so screwed.  You know Dean, is he lying?”  The ‘Dean’ girl was staring fixedly into Dean’s earnest eyes; her voice had deserted her so she shook her head.  The ‘Eliot’ girl began to reach for the keyboard, Dean took another step towards them and she froze.

 “Listen to me, I‘ll do whatever you want me to do, just please get Sam out of here.  I’ll stay, just let the others take him out of here.”  As he spoke Sam became even more agitated. 

 “Dean! No, don’t you dare! I’m not worth that.”  Sam’s voice died away in a gasp of pain; Dean turned his head towards his brother and then he looked back.  His eyes were just starting to fill with tears. 

“I swear I won’t touch you or even try to escape. Just...I’m begging you, for Sammy’s sake, please.”  As he spoke his voice broke on the last word, pleading for his brother’s life. His bottom lip trembled and he drew the lip between his teeth.  It was then the tear that had been poised, fell; a single perfect tear spilled down his cheek, glistening in the harsh light of the cell.

 The women had been completely hypnotised by this, and it was only as the tear fell the ‘Eliot’ girl’s brain hammered against her skull screaming ‘NNNNOOOOO, it’s a trap!’ But by then it was too late.  The keyboard slipped from the ‘Dean’ girl’s nerveless fingers and Alec, who had slowly slid down the wall, shot forward, caught it and began to type at a speed that would make the average fan fic writer weep with envy.

 Neal watched, fascinated, as the Henchmen began to flicker and finally they disappeared. Sam rolled off the bed and got to his feet. He used his height and bitch face number thirteen (only to be used in case of gratuitous ‘Dean’ abuse) to manoeuvre the ‘Neal’ girl and ‘Eliot’ girl against the back wall. Dean and his fan girl were still staring at one another, “Sammy, you and the guys back out of the cell. I’m coming. Sam, don’t argue with me, just do it.” The tone in Dean’s voice made sure Sam did as he was told. Finally Dean moved round, putting his back to the open cell door.

 The two fan girls stood watching nervously as Dean stepped up close to their friend. He gave a slow, seductive smile and he carefully reached out and pulled up the ski mask so the lower half of her face was uncovered.  Then he leaned forward and placed a kiss right on her lips.

When he broke the kiss, the ‘Dean’ girl swayed and her glasses steamed up, “You may want to help your friend, she looks a little unsteady on her feet. By the way, ladies, thanks for your hospitality, now we really must be going.”  Dean gave a jaunty wave and backed quickly away. The two women stepped forward just in time. The ‘Dean’ girl’s legs buckled and the three of them went down in a tangled heap. 

Dean got out of the cell and looked at the others. Eliot, Neal and Alec were grinning, Peter was shaking his head, laughing and Sam stood with his hands on his hips. “Dean, that wasn’t funny.” 

Dean took a step forward and staggered a little. Sam moved and helped him, he looked up at his brother, “Ahh, come on, it was a little funny. Can we go now?  Where is the keyboard?”  Peter closed and locked the door, Dean looked round as they made their way towards some stairs.  It looked like they were in some sort of old abandoned building, it figured really loud screams kind of upset the neighbours, Dean mused. 

“The keyboard’s in there with them. Don’t worry, the virus I gave the hard drive should hold ‘em for a little while, but I think Dean’s kiss just might have done more damage.”  Alec called over his shoulder as he helped Eliot to negotiate the stairs with his damaged ankle. 

Back in the cell the ‘Eliot’ girl was shaking her friend, “Come on...come on...they’re getting away.”   

“What can we do about it?”  The ‘Neal’ girl asked her co-writer. 

“Well, judging by the lack of response we got a virus in the hard drive and the genius down there is pretty good at cleaning out viruses. Now all we gotta do is reboot her.”  The ‘Eliot’ girl sighed, giving up, deciding instead to sit and wait for the incoherent babbling to stop. 

Finally the soft whimpers and sounds began to resolve themselves into words, and hope flickered brightly in her heart, waiting for her friend to speak, “You know, I might just change my stance on het fics and Mary Sue’s.” With that the ‘Dean’ girl gave a happy sigh and started humming ‘Back in Black’. The tiny flame of hope was snuffed out and the two women sat and waited for their friend to recover. 

The six men were making slow progress down the dilapidated staircase. Alec had his arm wrapped round Eliot’s waist and his other hand on the stair rail then came Sam and Dean. Sam was doing his best to stop his brother face planting on the men in front whilst he attempted to escape Sam’s ‘mother hen’ routine.  Bringing up the rear was Peter and Neal, watching the others with amusement.

 “Neal, please tell me this is never going to happen again, I don’t think my nerves could take it. “ He looked mournfully at his partner, and so what if he was hovering a little closer to Neal than normal? Fan girls or not, those bruises looked damn real to him. 

Neal smiled back. “Listen, we had an advantage those other guys never had, namely their experiences, it gave us the way out.  If it happens again we will be ready for it...mostly, now shush, I think our trip downstairs is about to get interesting.”  Neal had been watching Dean and he saw a mischievous look flit across his face.  With an air of exaggerated innocence Dean managed to move himself and his brother closer to Eliot and Alec. 

“Damnitt, Hardison, if you don’t take your hand off my ass this second I swear there is gonna be real trouble.  The next time your ass is in a sling don’t expect me to come runnin’.”  Eliot groused at his friend. 

“What the hell are you on, Spencer? My one hand is holding your damn heavy ass upright and the other is stopping us both falling headlong downstairs.  That ain’t my hand.”

 Eliot’s face was a picture, his eyes widened with shock then narrowed as he turned his head towards the culprit. Dean smiled sweetly and winked at the scowling hitter.  Sam gave a put-upon sigh known to little brothers over the universe “Dean....” the word expressed so much - a warning, a plea and the fact that if Eliot turned round he would probably kill Dean and Sam would be forced to retaliate and he liked those two. 

Eliot glared harder and Dean fluttered his eyelashes, “Ah, come on, Eliot, you wouldn’t hit an injured man, would you? My hand slipped and I had to stop myself from falling.”

 “Ya didn’t have to grab my ass to do it.  How do you know I wouldn’t hit an injured man?” 

Alec was muttering rapid prayers under his breath. He’d looked over his shoulder and seen Sam’s face darkening with an expression that screamed ‘I like you, guys’ but if you touch my brother I will maim you both to make sure I get the right one. “Eliot, come on, dude, no harm no foul. Besides, we need to get out of here, those girls could still bust loose. The virus was a little haphazard.”  Eliot gave a final growl and started limping forward again. 

“Dean gave a cough. “Wuss.”  That did it! Eliot froze and started to turn round; as he did Sam somehow managed to get between the two men. 

“Hey Alec, if this does turn into a bitch fight can you imagine the hair pulling? Listen, I’m sure you two ladies you can hug it out afterwards.”  Dean’s glee-filled words stopped the two combatants dead.   

Eliot exchanged a look with Sam, “Dude, how do ya put up with him?” He asked in wonder. 

“Practice, years and years of practice, and I’d miss the car.”  Sam returned the smile and went back to helping his older brother downstairs.  As he did he made the threat of giving him a sponge bath if he didn’t behave.  If that didn’t work, he would ask Cas to do it instead. On hearing that, Dean’s mouth snapped shut and he became a model big brother the rest of the way down the stairs. 

The six men reached the door, Neal gave it a tentative push. They were free.  After a few seconds, jostling as to who would get out first, Eliot and Alec won when Eliot ‘accidentally’ pushed Dean’s back into the door frame. 

They emerged, blinking into the sunlight and they found themselves greeted by three vehicles.  Alec grinned when he saw his van, “Ahh, baby, are you a sight for sore eyes?”  Parker rushed forward and looked at Eliot, frowning. 

“You look like crap, not as bad as last time but you still look like crap.  Where does it hurt?”  Parker had a gleam in her eye as she spoke. 

Eliot shook his head as Nate came forward and helped him and Alec towards the van, “I ain’t tellin ya, Parker. The last time I did you spent the afternoon poking at the bruises.  Back up where I can see ya.”  It was then Parker noticed Sam, Dean, Peter and Neal.  Her eyes narrowed and she produced her tazer from her pocket. 

“Are these the ones who hurt you? I’m not having you hurt my friends.”  She began to advance then she looked at Neal and Dean properly. She saw bruising and the fact that Dean was being held upright by someone who was eyeing her and the tazer with open hostility.  “Hey, is he ok? I bet he’s kinda good looking when he’s not had the crap beat out of him.” She tilted her head to one side as she looked at Dean. 

“You ain’t so bad yourself, sweetheart. My name’s Dean and you are?”  Dean had turned on the charm when he spotted the blond thief, completely ignoring the fact she was armed. 

Sophie stepped forward and took the tazer off Parker, “This is Parker and we are leaving. Thank you for helping our friends but I think we should be going, before those girls get free.”  She gave a warm smile and led Parker away. 

Peter had spotted his car and there was Elizabeth and Mozzie, of all people. He ran to her to see if she was alright.  “El, are you hurt? Did my guys from the unit rescue you?”   

Elizabeth shook her head, “No, it was the weirdest thing. The van I was taken in just pulled over. They helped me out and gave me ten dollars for taxi fare.  What’s happening, Peter?  And why does Neal look like he’s been attacked? The poor boy! Don’t just leave him there, help him.” 

Sam just grinned as Elizabeth swept past her husband to fuss over a startled Neal, Peter looked over at Sam.  “I told you not to worry, Peter. Elizabeth had served her purpose as bait; the girls had no more use for her and let her go.  They usually aren’t all that interested in girlfriends or wives, just us. Aren’t we the lucky ones?”  Sam adjusted his hold on Dean as he spoke, wondering why his brother was so quiet. It never boded well when Dean was this quiet. 

Sam followed Dean’s line of sight and realized he was staring at the Impala. Ok, nothing new there. It was then that Sam spotted Bobby in the passenger seat.  What the hell? Sam thought. How the hell did Bobby get there and where was his wheelchair? 

“Bobby? How did you find us? I thought we were Cas-proof now we have that graffiti on our ribs? How did you get here and who the hell drove my baby?” Dean’s voice was getting a little shrill by the end of his list of questions. 

Bobby turned and looked at the boys; he seemed to have aged about ten years. Dean felt sick. Shit! Bobby hadn’t found the he witch again, had he? Before Dean could start yelling, Bobby gathered himself together. “Right, ya idjits! Are you just gonna stand there all day? You got hurt/comfort writers up there and by the looks of some of you, they’ve already been having some fun. Sam, get your brother in the back seat and let’s hightail it out of here.” Bobby’s voice was hoarse and his eyes kept darting round nervously as if he was trying to figure out where he was. 

“Oh, hell no, Bobby, not until you tell me how you found us.”  Dean dug his heels in so that Sam was faced with either letting him have this conversation or carrying him to the car.  As he didn’t want itching powder in his boxers again, he wanted to see how this played out. 

Bobby sighed, “When you two vanished off the face of the planet I sent Cas to your last co-ordinates. When you weren’t there, I got worried then Cas said he felt a strange physic residue. The best he described it was that it was like being in the presence of Becky, only more intense, and I just knew you got a bad case of the fan girls.  I told him to try and follow the scent. Sorry, it took so long but we ran into a couple of other groups and we barely got away.”  Dean nodded. Fine, that explained how they’d been found. 

 “I need to know how you all knew to come here.”  Dean asked the others. 

Elizabeth responded, “A man in a trench coat with sticking-up hair, the most intense blue eyes and a voice that could turn you into goo appeared at my front door and told me.  I don’t know why – I just had to obey him.”   

“Yup, that sounds about right for us too. Put me in mind of some of my seminary training, for some reason.”  Nate added helpfully.

 “Oooh look! And he’s right in front of Dean. Hi there, Castiel.”  Parker beamed and waved at the angel. 

Cas had suddenly materialized and Dean found himself sandwiched between the angel in front of him and his brother right behind him.  Dean’s heart pounded with shock. He looked heavenwards, thought about Zach then swiftly closed his eyes before he had chance to utter anything resembling a prayer.  He licked his lips and started to speak, “Cas, how many more times are we going to have the personal space conversation? And Sam, there are many things in this world that I do not want to feel pressed against my ass and your belt buckle is probably top of the list.  So you two take a step back right the fuck now!”  Dean’s tone sounded like an order which made the soldier in Sam and Cas obey instantly. 

“Cas, how did Bobby and the car get here....? Oh, please tell me you didn’t drive my baby? Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I’ll never let that happen again.”  Dean looked at the Impala with an apology. 

Cas squared his shoulders and looked at Dean with a sombre expression, “I did not drive your.... baby. I merely placed Bobby in the car and brought the car and him here, after taking the message to the others as per Bobby’s instructions....Good afternoon, Parker, it has been a while since we spoke. How are you?”  Dean looked at Parker and thought that could explain a few things about the girl. Then he wrapped his head around the rest of what Cas had said. 

“You bamfed Bobby and the car here? No wonder Bobby looks like he’s gonna redecorate the interior.  Bobby, don’t you dare puke, original leather interior dude.  Use your cap.”  Dean relaxed a little. Fan girls beating the shit out of him he could handle but Cas driving the Impala, he shuddered at the thought. 

Sam watched Dean’s response to the news carefully. He was fully expecting Dean to collapse at the prospect of Cas driving the Impala and he’d braced himself to carry his brother to the car after he fainted...sorry, passed out, Winchesters never fainted.  Once he was happy that Dean was going to remain standing, he looked over at Cas.  The angel was looking a little pale; he wasn’t surprised. That must have taken it out of him, all that bamfing around.  “Ok then, Cas, why don’t you put Dean in the back of the car and stay with him, make sure he behaves and I’ll drive.  Ladies and gentlemen, as much as I’m enjoying your company I agree with Bobby, we better get out of here before our friends upstairs get free.” 

On hearing those words, everyone was galvanised into action. Eliot was helped, grumbling, into Hardison’s van, he was trying to keep Parker away from his injuries along with Hardison as he fussed over him.  Sophie and Nate looked round, “Thank you for helping Alec and Eliot. We wish you a speedy recovery and please don’t be offended if we hope we never meet again, goodbye.” Sophie sounded nervous as she spoke, expecting the people who had hurt her friends to appear. 

Neal waved to the couple and called out, “None taken. I hope Eliot recovers soon and he doesn’t kill anyone while he recovers.... Sam, good luck, I mean that.  It looks like you’re going to have your hands full for the next few days.  What with your friend, Bobby, Dean and how do you care for a sick angel? Take care of yourself, Sam. It was a pleasure to meet you, although I wish we could have met under better circumstances.” 

Sam was getting ready to get into the Impala when Neal spoke. He was surprised when he mentioned what Cas was, then he smiled, Neal had been the one to grasp the situation the quickest so maybe it wasn’t such a surprise.  He walked over to where they stood; Sam patted his pockets looking for a piece of paper, Elizabeth quickly produced one of her business cards and a pen, Sam smiled at her in thanks. He wrote his and Dean’s phone numbers on the back of the card, “These are mine and Dean’s numbers. If you ever need our kind of help, just call and I promise we’ll come as quickly as possible.  Thanks for everything, Neal. You saved me and Dean a lot of pain. Trust me, Dean is a lousy patient, so I really do mean thanks.  Goodbye, Neal...Peter, take care of yourselves.” 

With that, Sam walked back to the car. Alec’s van drove past and Sophie waved as they went.  Then there was the distinctive roar of the Impala as she started up. Neal looked into the back window and saw Dean watching him. Dean smirked and winked at him, before settling back down and trying to get comfortable.  Neal swore he could hear arguing over the classic rock that blared out of the car, something about Dean lying down and Dean telling Sam no way he was lying down with his head on Cas’ lap. He could if he wanted to, then Dean would be able to drive. 

The Impala pulled away, leaving Neal, Peter, Elizabeth and Mozzie stood together, “I don’t suppose you two want to tell me what just happened?”  Elizabeth looked from one man to the other; Peter put his arm round his wife and guided her to the car.

 “I promise we will, just as soon as we have put some distance between us and them. Come on, Neal, let’s go home.”  As Peter and Elizabeth climbed in the front seats Mozzie fell in beside his friend.   

Neal smiled at Mozzie, hewas puzzled by the smile, “What’s so funny, Neal? You look like crap and the other guys look like they just went ten rounds with one of your suit friends.” 

“Mozzie, you are going to love what happened today. I can’t wait to hear your theories on how the government was behind it.”  With that, Neal and Mozzie climbed into the car, and it swiftly pullled away. 

The street stood empty for a few minutes, and then three figures staggered out into the street.  The girls still wore their ski masks, although the ‘Dean’ girl’s glasses were now lopsided and barely perched on her nose.  She held the keyboard in front of her like a weapon poised to strike. The ‘Eliot’ girl threw up her arms in despair as she looked up and down the street.

 “Now what? They got away and I was so looking forward to giving Eliot a fever and having Hardison bathe him down with cool cloths. I could’ve gotten Sam to help him when he wasn’t busy looking after Dean.  If only you’d kept hold of the keyboard instead of dropping it.” The ‘Eliot’ girl pulled up her mask and glared at the ‘Dean’ girl. 

The ‘Dean’ girl snorted, “Yeah right! I’m sure you’d have been perfectly fine if Eliot had grabbed you and planted a kiss right on your lips.”  She pulled up her own mask so she could adjust her glasses to see properly, her lips still tingled from where Dean’s had touched hers. 

She turned to look at her fellow hurt/comfort writers. They stood, looking despondent; she knew they still had some time before the portal between the realities closed again. She smiled and put her hand in her pocket and drew out a list. 

The ‘Eliot’ girl watched as the piece of paper appeared, “What’s that? What are you up to now?”  There was a tinge of excitement in her voice as she spoke; she could see a wicked gleam in her friend’s eyes as she spotted something on her list. 

The ‘Dean’ girl began to type, and suddenly a multi-coloured swirl of light appeared in front of them.  She grinned at her friends and just as she got ready to step into the light and be transported to where she had written she said, “Ladies, who fancies a trip to Quantico to pay a little visit to Dr Spencer Reid and Agent Derek Morgan? I’ve always wanted to know if I can type faster than Garcia. Coming?”  With that the three women stepped into the light.

 

 

 


 

 

 

Tags:
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: None
 
 
 
     Mandy: Squee!!a_phoenixdragon on September 30th, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!! THIS WAS FREAKING AWESOME!! I WANT MOREMOREMOREMORE!! YESSSSS!! THIS, DAMMIT!!!

*WHOOT!!*

*CACKLES*

*SAVES!!*

I GONNA FANGIRL THIS SO FUCKING HARD!! YESSS!!

*SQUISHES YOU*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 12:27 pm (UTC)
*Whistles* so you liked it then? I have been a fan of h/c ever since I discovered it. And come on with that cast of guys, oh I just had to there was no way I couldn't do it.

*BIG BIG HUGS AND THANKS*
heather03nmgheather03nmg on October 1st, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
This was so perfect. Hilarious and awesome and brilliant. I'd pester you for more but I think you'd kill me if I beg for any more fic from you :)
sasha_dragon: pic#89877167sasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 12:28 pm (UTC)
The fact anyone is still talking to me after this has made my day! If I survive my spn reverse Big Bang, I may take the idea out for another spin. After all I can't imagine where the Dean girl came from *G*
fifimom on October 1st, 2010 04:23 am (UTC)
Fun,fun,fun. big thanks for sharing.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 12:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks, happy you liked it.
bigj52bigj52 on October 1st, 2010 05:19 am (UTC)
I picked the characters from White Collar but not Leverage. Gotta love Cristian Kane. What a spunk!!! I was sure your readers would love this and, of course, I was right. LOL! Hilarious! Neal, naked, painting your bedroom wall? Oh, the images! You wicked woman!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 12:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks and at least it has made people laugh! my work here is done. Oh come on if you're going to have that man paint your room the fewer clothes the better! And yes I am wicked or at least I'm using the correspondence course on how to be a wicked woman correctly *G*
Luminous Mortal: CK/JA_It Just Writes Itselfluminous_mortal on October 1st, 2010 06:18 am (UTC)
Oh, this is some serious deep fried wit! Six beautiful men working together in a common cause, employing endlessly brilliant dialogue and the image of gloriously hot man-pain. *bites lip*

Must confess though, I feel a bit dirty and self-conscious. Although, technically, it's YOUR fault. I mean, I just couldn't help slashing all that relentlessly pretty, bruised man-flesh (seriously, there is NO WAY Dean and Eliot haven't hooked up somewhere along the way). Who could resist all the hot and cold running jawlines? Did I mention all the pretty?...*dons ski mask, reaches for keyboard, hangs head in shame*...

In conclusion: This goes to memes...the other stories will be sooo jealous... ;)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
*Holds Hand* now there is no need for you to feel dirty or self-conscious, I took that particular trip to hell, you guys merely came along for the ride. Besides *looks shifty* I might possibly have slashed Dean and Neal (with added h/c) recently but that's my problem and not yours.

So pull on the ski mask and have some fun! special hell is lovely this time of year trust me *G*

Thanks for adding this to your memes, I feel very honored.
Rosegestaltrose on October 1st, 2010 07:07 am (UTC)
Brilliant... funny as hell and just fucking brilliant.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on October 1st, 2010 12:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you happy you enjoyed it.
heartlessbytchhheartlessbytchh on October 1st, 2010 09:07 am (UTC)
I read this while listening to Giorgio Moroder's "Midnight Express" and whiskey'd up. Helluva trip lemme tell ya.
It was fun :)she sez as she steps into the light.
sasha_dragon: pic#89877167sasha_dragon on November 6th, 2010 09:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the comment sorry for not replying sooner but blame the Reverse Big Ban I've been writing! I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I had a great time writing it. And i can't imagine where the inspiration for the Dean girl came from *whistles*
 Late Night Drops of Random: Gigglesnorts-giggleshortsmoondropz on October 1st, 2010 08:40 pm (UTC)
*Giggles* So awesome! Thanks hon!
*Hugs8
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on November 6th, 2010 09:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was so much fun to write. And yes I do fee a little guilty for hurting teh hottie.
 Late Night Drops of Randommoondropz on November 6th, 2010 09:32 pm (UTC)
Well in the interest of the story, you had to do what you had to do!
*Coughs*New Spamjustposted*Coughs* ;0
vanillafluffy: Garcia headsetvanillafluffy on October 1st, 2010 08:48 pm (UTC)
Dude, you win an interweb, this was LOLz from beginning to end.

But my money's on Garcia. I'd LOVE to read that!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on November 6th, 2010 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your comment, sorry I didn't reply earlier but a Reverse Big Bang ate all my time and my brain. And yes my money would be on Garcia, but it would be fun trying.
Courtney: a day in the life (dean)louisiane_fille on October 5th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC)
This was brilliant! I can't wait to see the equally crackified visit to the BAU's Derek & Reid!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on November 6th, 2010 09:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the comment! I'd love to try and write the vist to the BAU, but I'm not as sure of the characters as I was of these guys. but maybe one day.
Courtneylouisiane_fille on November 17th, 2010 01:58 am (UTC)
Surely someone would be willing to help you out? I think you should give it a shot, regardless. Think of the fun you could have "researching" for it!