Word Count: 3268
Summary: Once again the festive season is here, and Jared decides it’s time to find the perfect Christmas tree. Now all he has to do is get Jensen out of a warm bed to come and help him, what could be easier?
Disclaimer: Ok tis the season and all that, but still no Jared and Jensen shaped parcels under my tree. Also the cross roads demon said he didn’t like the bottle of bubble bath I brought him for Christmas so still not mine. Sadly neither does Jared spend his time stripping Jensen beneath their Christmas tree.
Warnings: Deranged writer attempting Christmas humor, and misuse of chocolate syrup.
Notes: As always heart felt thanks to the awesome bigj52 for being my beta and putting up with my scribbles, and may I take the time to wish you all merry Christmas and a peaceful new year.
It was early on a cold, crisp Sunday morning in Vancouver and Jared bounced into the bedroom he shared with Jensen, threw open the curtains and turned towards the bed. A glint in his eyes and a smile on his lips, he was a man on a mission....only for that mission to be nearly derailed at the sight in front of him.
Lying face down asleep on the bed was Jensen, his one arm outstretched to Jared’s side of the bed as if in search of him. The winter sunshine streamed through the window, and it gave Jensen’s pale skin a golden sheen. The sheets had slipped down exposing extremely lickable skin, as far as Jared and countless fan girls were concerned. Jensen shifted in his sleep, and Jared sighed as the broad shoulders flexed. The muscles rippled beneath freckles that last night Jared had indeed been licking. He smiled at the memory especially Jensen’s reaction to the introduction of a bottle of chocolate syrup...”Damnit Jay, do I look like an ice-cream sundae?”
All Jared had done was grin, flip Jensen onto his stomach then open the bottle and pour some of the contents across his back. Then he spent thirty minutes licking it off to an accompaniment of whimpers and moans. When he’d finished, all Jensen had managed to say with his voice hoarse from moaning and muffled because his face was buried in the pillow...”Do you want sprinkles on that?” Then Jared had moved lower with the chocolate syrup and all coherent conversation ceased.
Jared shook himself. No, this was not the time for a repeat performance. Although there was a bottle of strawberry syrup downstairs...No, he needed Jensen for something very important. He moved closer to the bed, bent down and whispered, “Come on, rise and shine, handsome. I need your help.” He then ran his fingers gently down Jensen’s back to help wake him. Just as they reached the swell of his ass Jensen came around, cursing that he was being woken at some ungodly hour on a Sunday.
“Dude, it’s nearly nine o’clock.” Jared smiled when Jensen looked over his shoulder and glared at him, threatening him with mayhem and death once he remembered how to move his limbs.
“Like I said - some ungodly hour. What do you want, Jay? I’m shattered.” Jensen yawned, pouted then rubbed at his eyes adorably. Jared sat down on the bed and bounced up and down, his face alive with excitement and joy.
Jensen cringed when he saw that look; it usually didn’t bode well for him when Jared looked like that. Although he had to admit, the ‘let’s see how many rooms we can do it in one night’ had been fun. So what if Jared had to virtually carry him on set on the Monday? Feeling a sense of dread building he asked “Help with what?” He was praying it was something to do with staying in bed, but then he saw what Jared was wearing...sadly it wasn’t his favourite tight Jeans or even just a thong! No, Jared was dressed for the great outdoors.
Jensen jolted fully awake at that. He turned over and tried to get away from Jared, pulling the sheet back round his chin...”Oh hell no! It can’t be that time already? Please dude, it’s freezing out there.” Jared just slipped his hands under the covers, grabbed his ankles and pulled him back towards him.
“Ahhh Jen! Please, it’s already the first week of December. If we leave it any later all the good ones will be gone.” Jared wrapped his arms tightly round his struggling partner. He knew Jensen was weakening when the struggles ceased and he looked up into his eyes. Jared had got him! Jensen may have been the master of the wounded warrior look when he was playing Dean, and he had been known to use it to devastating effect on Jared from time to time. But Jared had a secret (Ok, not so secret) weapon - Puppy Power! He fixed Jensen with the saddest, wateriest eyes he could, and pouted slightly, looking as if he was about to burst into tears or collapse in an injured heap.
Jensen knew he was screwed the moment Jared had gotten hold of him; he had no fucking willpower when it came to the guy, and then Jared had played dirty. He’d gone for the Sam, honest I’m helpless/cuddly puppy Sasquatch, not a soulless Robo-Sam who could rip you apart without breaking sweat look. Jensen sighed, rested his head on Jared’s arm and surrendered. He threw back the covers, and got out of bed.
Jared let go and grinned in triumph as Jensen climbed out of bed. Then his mouth went dry, as Jensen stood there naked, and that truly awesome ass was at eye level. Jared was just reconsidering his plans for the day when he realized Jensen was watching him over his shoulder. Said ass of awesomeness wiggled hypnotically and Jensen walked towards the bathroom “Ah Jay, sorry we can either go and get our Christmas tree or we can stay in bed....it seems you want the Christmas tree more. I’ll be down in a few minutes so get me plenty of coffee and I’ll even let you take all my layers off when we get home.” Jensen smirked at Jared then disappeared into the bathroom.
Jared moaned in frustration, fell forward face down on the bed, sighed and sat up. Well, at least they were going to get the tree. Last year Jared almost had to drag Jensen kicking and screaming through the tree plantation. Of course, there was always the possibility of unwrapping Jensen under the Christmas tree later. With that joyous thought running round his head Jared got up and ran downstairs.
Fifteen minutes later Jared heard Jensen coming downstairs; it wasn’t the usual graceful sound, more of a lumbering slow progress like a zombie. Jared stood, sipping his coffee and then the cup froze midway from his mouth when Jensen appeared in the kitchen. Shit! He’d never seen so many damn layers, and that was from the man who complained that getting Jensen out of his Dean wardrobe was like a pornographic game of pass the parcel. “Crap Jensen, are you actually in there? Or did you just send your entire wardrobe down here without you?”
An arm raised and made gimme motions at the cup of coffee Jared held so Jared followed the parka- clad arm back to what he could see of Jensen. It seemed like he’d gained at least fifty pounds judging by the sheer bulk of clothing. “Jesus Jen, we’re only going to get a Christmas tree not attempt walking to the North Pole.”
Jensen took the hood of his parka down. Jared stared in amazement at the scarf swathed round the lower half of his face and the beanie hat pulled down so all you could see was a slit and Jensen’s green eyes. Jared just grinned at him, “I gotta say you’re rocking the dark and mysterious look but how are you gonna drink your coffee?”
Jensen pulled the scarf down and took the cup. Two long swallows later and the empty cup was returned. Just as he pulled the scarf back into position he said, “This is survival gear, remember last year? Four damn hours, Jay! We tramped up and down for four godamn hours before you found the ‘One’. I had frostbite! I nearly lost toes because of that tree. I ain’t taking any chances with my extremities this year.”
Jared laughed and picked up the car keys and grabbing Jensen’s arm he guided him out of the door. “Well, thank God for that, Jen. After all there are certain extremities I’m real fond of.” With that he tried to load Jensen into the car. Several hard shoves later saw Jensen shoehorned into the car.
Jared drove to the tree plantation with his Christmas CD playing loudly; every cheesy Christmas song he could find had gone into the making of that little musical extravaganza. After twenty minutes Jensen was whimpering and trying to bang his head against the car window because of Jared’s loud off-key singing. Unfortunately the hood meant all that happened was his head just bounced.
“Stop, stop, dear god, please stop. I’m begging you! Look, I’ll take the layers off! I’ll even help decorate the tree if only you’ll stop singing!” Jared smirked in triumph at Jensen’s pleading; he cupped his ear as if to say ‘I can’t hear you’ and carried on with gusto.
When they arrived Jensen hauled himself out of the car, threw his arms open wide, looked at the sky and yelled “Freedom!” He then staggered towards the trunk of the car with his hands over his ears.
Jared rolled his eyes at the antics, “Jay, are my ears bleeding? I can’t feel them any more. I think your singing killed them.” Jensen waggled his eyebrows; at least Jared thought he’d waggled his eyebrows, judging by the way his hat moved.
Jared huffed and opened the trunk of the car; Jensen stood by him and whistled at the arsenal inside. There was as an axe, a large saw and a smaller saw. “Just please tell me there isn’t a chainsaw in there because, dude, the house isn’t that big. And have you been sneaking weapons home again? Because I’m sure that’s the axe from ‘Sex and Violence.’ Are we going to need to have a little chat about Sam being a fictional character again?” Jensen watched as Jared picked up the axe, hefted it over his shoulder and then handed him the larger saw.
As he closed the trunk he grinned at Jensen, “No, I left the chainsaw at home. Misha said I’d probably start re-enacting the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and he couldn’t imagine you running screaming through the woods from me.”
“He’s never heard you sing then. Well, the sooner we start the sooner I get warm again. Ok then, Yoda, is the force gonna guide you to the perfect tree before I turn into Frosty the Snowman?” Jensen shivered and stamped his feet.
“How long have you been filming in Vancouver? This is a nice mild day! It’s only minus three, not even worth the thermal underwear!” Jared halted, held up his hand, closed his eyes and turned in a slow circle, the axe held out in front of him. He stopped turning, pointed with the axe and grinned “This way, young Padawan, the force is strong in these trees.” With that he took off at a brisk walk, Jensen following him, shaking his head, smiling as Jared hunted for the perfect tree.
They walked up and down the rows of fir trees, Jared discarding them for being too skinny, too wide, too tall, and not tall enough. There was one which was perfect except the bottom branches were too low, then there was the one that was nearly there but it was missing a branch in the middle, “Why don’t we put that side to the wall?” Jensen had asked through chattering teeth. Jared had looked at him as if he’d just suggested eating Harley for Christmas dinner.
As they trudged on Jensen could no longer feel his feet but at least he was warmer than last year. When Jared had suggested they’d fetch a Christmas tree from a place where you could pick and cut down your own Jensen had been happy to go along. That was before four hours in freezing cold weather had passed. And he’d only been wearing a couple of layers. When they’d gotten home Jared had had to strip him off and stand him under a hot shower until he was no longer blue, but he did enjoy Jared helping him to get warm under the shower.
Jared took them down another row of trees and to Jensen they all looked the same, “Jay, how much longer, dude? How about that one over there? It’s got great branches and it’s the right height.” Jensen watched as Jared dismissed the tree, he let his shoulders slump. There was no two ways about this; if he didn’t want to freeze to death he was going to have to play dirty.
Remembering where the tree was Jensen let Jared walk on for another ten minutes then he moved closer to Jared, took off his hood and pulled down his scarf. Jared was stood in front of a tree that had to be at least ten feet tall, “Dude, that will never fit in the house. If you have to look up at it it’s too tall.” Jensen leaned in and gently nibbled on Jared’s ear, before running his lips softly down his neck. He was rewarded with Jared’s knees buckling in shock at the surprise attack.
Jared whirled round, shock on his face “Jensen, what are you doing? What if someone sees us? Sera will kill us! Well, she’ll probably make you cry every episode and me take my shirt off. I hate you having bloodshot eyes, and waxing really fucking hurts.”
Jensen smiled sweetly at his gibbering other half. Good! His plan was working; Jared was now off balance. “Come on then, let’s go and find somewhere a little more secluded.” He walked away, back towards the tree from half an hour ago, looked over his shoulder and winked seductively. He hoped it was seductive but it was that damn cold he wouldn’t have been surprised if his eyelashes hadn’t frozen together when his eye closed. Jared followed him as if he was walking around the house naked while holding a steak. Jensen continued to lead Jared back to the tree.
When they arrived, Jared stepped up closer to Jensen, his eyes raking up and down; he licked his lips at the prospect of stripping all the layers off him one at a time. He was just reaching out when Jensen looked behind him and breathed, “Shit! I’m sure I just saw someone. We’ll continue this at home when the tree’s decorated. So, where to next?” With that Jensen began to cover up. Jared whimpered in frustration and Jensen just moved out of the way, revealing the tree.
“That’s it, Jen, I found the perfect tree! See, I told you I’d find the right one. Ok, let’s get this cut down and back to the house.” Jared bounced on the spot in excitement; Jensen congratulated himself on only freezing for two hours instead of four.
Jared stood sizing up the tree, a look of intense concentration on his face. Jensen had seen less concentration on the face of a brain surgeon from a documentary he’d watched. He tapped Jared on the shoulder and handed him the saw he carried. If Jared had used the axe there wouldn’t have been any tree left. Jared’s face lit up and he disappeared in amongst the branches, the air was filled with the sound of sawing, muffled curses.
Jensen was still congratulating himself when he heard a cry of “Timber” And suddenly the tree was falling on top of him. Jared gaped in shock as the tree and Jensen toppled over. All he could see was a pair of legs sticking out either side of the trunk and Jensen calling for help. Jared stood up and pulled the tree off his prone boyfriend.
Jensen lay on the floor, sat up and spat out some pine needles, “Oh thank God!” Jared exclaimed, Jensen held out his hand to be helped to his feet, only to see Jared crouch down to check the tree, “Good catch, Jen. It could’ve broken some of its branches, but you broke its fall. What are you still doing down there?” Jared was grinning down as Jensen lay on the snow-covered ground.
“Oh you know, I just felt a little tired and was gonna take a nap. Now help me up, damnit!” Jensen was struggling because of all the layers he wore. Jared finally held out his hand and hauled him to his feet. Jared dusted some snow off his shoulder, and smiled at Jensen when he pulled a pine cone out his hood. “Hey Jen, perhaps we could sell Ben and Sera the idea of evil trees attacking people. I can see Dean now armed with a chainsaw going all Ash on some giant redwood. You know, kind of like Ents on a bad trip”
Jensen laughed, “I can see it now - the CW head offices besieged by a group of angry Tolkien fans dressed as Hobbits and Elves. Ok then, you get hold of Misha’s phone and I’ll send the text to Ben. We should get it filmed before the end of the season, as long as no one mentions Weta.” Jensen picked up Jared’s weapons of tree destruction and they walked back to the car.
The journey back was quiet as Jensen had managed to get hold of the CD and he’d secreted it about his person. “If you can find it you can play it. Come on then, what are you waiting for?” Jensen had smirked when Jared had frisked him and just found more layers. Jared had given up when he realized Jensen really was wearing his entire wardrobe. “Now don’t pout, Jay, you’ll sprain your ‘bitch face’ muscles and we’ll need them for tomorrow. Cheer up, it’s not far.” With that he’d settled down to take a nap.
Jared sighed then pulled his phone out of his pocket. From the tiny speakers came the sound of Jared’s Christmas collection. He started singing and ignored Jensen’s whimpers of pain. Back at the house Jared was just getting the tree off the roof, watching as Jensen attempted to pull himself out of the car. “Do you need any help, old man? All that extra weight must be tiring you out.” Jared grinned when a glove-covered hand appeared with its middle finger extended, followed by the rest of Jensen.
Jensen walked to the house; Jared called out after him, “a little help here?”
Jensen just placed his hand on his back and started to limp, “Sorry dude, can’t hear you and my poor old back won’t take all that hard work.” He laughed as Jared swore after him; he stepped inside and led Harley and Sadie out to the garden. He returned to the lounge and took off his coat, and began to move furniture round. Finally the front door was pushed open again and Jared staggered through it, “Jay, you’re right, those trees are vicious. Should I break out the holy water?”
Jared dragged the tree to the centre of the room. He spotted that Jensen had begun to clear a space for the tree; he grinned and an idea formed. Jensen turned to help him fetch the netting off the tree and held it while Jared placed it in the tree stand. Jensen was just admiring the tree when a pair of arms enfolded him, and pulled him down onto the floor.
“What are you doing?” Jensen squeaked when Jared pulled one of his jumpers off. Jared just grinned and started on another layer.
“For a start I’m looking for my CD, and I just love unwrapping things beneath a Christmas tree.” Before Jensen could answer Jared leant forward and kissed him. Jensen was still trying to wriggle free, when Jared finally got his last shirt off. Jared’s laughter rang out as he ignored the sounds of protest when Jensen complained about pine needles getting everywhere as his Jeans were flung onto the Christmas tree.