Rating: PG13 For Language.
Words:14,190. (Anyone surprised?)
Summary: Working on Supernatural can be hazardous for your health, both mental and physical. In other words take three bored actors, one very special guest star, add a dash of fan fiction and stand well back.
Disclaimer: Sadly they are not mine, I wish it were so but Santa said I‘d been a bad girl. Not to mention do you really think Jared and Jensen spend their time kissing in their trailers? And if anyone can provide proof I’d be eternally grateful. So this is a work of fiction from a deranged fan girl.
Authors Notes: Many moons ago, June 2009 to be precise I first started to write this (by hand no less in a caravan in Weymouth, don’t worry only 8000 words or so). In other words this was my very first attempt at fan fic, and because I’m such a git I decided to finally finish it. So now you are faced with plot line for the show that was Kripked to hell and back. But to be honest I just finally had to let this out to play with my other fics, in other words I’m so sorry. Beta’d by the wonderful Bigj52, a woman with the patience of a saint, and to who many thanks go.
This may all be Bruce Campbell’s fault, thought Jared as he, Misha and Cliff descended upon the Emergency Room where Jensen was being treated. He contemplated the events which led up to the latest in a long line of E.R. visits.
The day had started normally enough. Well, what passed for normal on the sleep-deprived, caffeine-driven barely-controlled chaos that was the ‘Supernatural’ set, when from Jensen’s trailer came a cry of...
“Beat that, Collins.”
Jared shook his head, listening to his normally sane, well, mostly sane co-star while he was engaged in an ongoing battle with the newest addition to the cast. It had started innocently enough during one of the many interviews they did. Misha had laughingly called himself a “fan girl” and a legend was born. Misha had gone on, admitting to reading Live Journal and forum sites and this had led to the fact he had come across fan fiction and he had, in fact, read some of it.
From the moment that comment had hit the fan sites, the real fan girls had swamped them with links, LJ communities and recs for said fiction flooded in. Misha being Misha had been compelled to check it out, purely in the name of research into the world of fandom, and what the fans thought of them and their characters. Jared could have told Misha what the fan girls thought, and it usually involved the removal of clothing and for some reason, a lot of melted chocolate.
From here everything just snowballed as Misha gleefully started passing out links and now there was a wall. It had started out in the in the make-up trailer. It had quickly been covered in fic links. Jared shuddered when he recalled what the wall had been called, ‘The Good, The Bad and how the hell did the internet not combust when that got posted?’ Jared felt it lacked a certain flow but it really did sum up the contents of the wall.
Now “The Fic Wall” or “The Wall” as it had been re-christened had been moved out of the trailer, due to sheer volume. There was every kind of Fic on the wall. There was gen fiction with stories which could be used as episodes once the swearing and excessive violence, usually towards Dean had been toned down, to het where the boys did more than hunt ghosts with the girls of the week, and Jared really got behind those and added links whenever possible. Then there was the love that dared not speak its name. Ok, it shouted it instead, yup; Wincest was very well represented there.
Finally there were Real Person stories and of course, Misha’s personal favourite Real Person Slash. ‘The Wall’ had been divided into the various categories so that those of a sensitive disposition didn’t start out reading a Case Fic only to be scarred for life by finding out what the boys did after a hunt if they weren’t patching each other up or in one memorable fic while patching each other up.
Jared was aware of the fact the RPS, as it was known, was also further sub divided, and this had very nearly caused him to choke on his gummy worms one morning. In fact, if Jensen hadn’t been there to pound on his back Eric would have had some very interesting casting issues. Right in the middle were three new categories, ‘bottom’ Misha, ‘bottom’ Jared and ‘bottom’ Jensen. This in itself was bad enough and to make matters worse, the crew were now reading it and giving it marks, grading according to style, content, writing ability, Squick Factor, romance and most importantly, how hot the sex scenes were.
Unfortunately for Jensen, Misha had spotted (well, OK, mercilessly looked for) a trend in some fics. In those fics Jared was often portrayed as a heroic, protective caveman, prone to manhandling Jensen at every opportunity.
Jensen was the damsel in distress, a delicate bloom, prone to crying and being neurotic and Misha had seized on this with an unholy glee and now these kinds of fics seemed to be making a bid for wall domination.
Jensen had taken in it good humour at first, but after a while and more than a few “Hello Princess” it had started to grate a little. So Jensen was engaged in his own quest for a similar kind of fic but with Misha in the delicate bloom role, so far with little success. Jared was beginning to suspect that Jensen would end up writing his own fic to that end.
So when the door to the trailer flew open and Jensen bounced past with a manic glint in his eye and a smirk, clutching a paper with a link on it, Jared felt he had better go along and prevent an act of Angelcide or whatever the hell it could be called. Jensen reached ‘The Wall,’ ready to pin his new addition to the ever-growing collection when he spotted most of the crew huddled round Misha and his Lap Top.
Misha was holding court, showing the crew his latest find for ‘The Wall’. “It’s a Slave AU and, of course, Jared is the hero. He’s all muscles and Conan the Barbarian, but with better hair. I’m there as the evil overlord and my cruelty to Jensen knows no bounds. It’s by one of my favourite authors Kripkesbitch69. It’s called ‘Passion’s Slave.’
As Jared stood there he knew which story that was then he blushed guiltily as he stared at Jensen’s ass. He winced in sympathy when he remembered what “he” had done to that same grateful ass of the newly-freed Prince Jensen. Honestly, the story was really very good and not at all hot in the slightest, thought Jared, trying to dislodge some of the more graphic images from his head. Blushing an even deeper shade of red, he thought he really must clear his browser history in case one of the crew, or worse, Jensen, borrowed his computer.
As for Jensen in the Fic - well, put it this way, all of Misha’s old favourites were there. Jensen being submissive yet brave in the face of his terrible ordeal, and yes, by the end of the Fic, he’d cried. He had the crap beaten out of him, and he was tenderly nursed back to health by Jared.
The only thing that stopped Jensen coming across as a complete girl was the very detailed description of him at one point in the fic. All broad shoulders, pale ivory skin dusted with freckles that were described as looking like shimmering flecks of golden cinnamon. His well-muscled thighs were covered with silky smooth skin, and the fact that only two things covering him were the very well-filled loin cloth and the heavy leather collar round his neck.
All right, the damn fic was addictive, and it helped pass the time away on set between scenes. Jared had sneaked a few of his own links up there too. He was only human, damnit, and some of the girls did have a thing for making Jensen so pretty. At that thought Jared drew himself up short and resolved to help Jensen hunt down some ‘bottom’ Misha fic.
“I think this is one of the best so far,” crowed a delighted Misha. “I felt that my character was well written and was a commanding presence within the story. Jared riding in to help poor enslaved, battered Prince Jensen and his family. The noble savage tamed by Jensen’s huge...eyes.” Misha smirked as he said this, seemingly unaware of his two co-star’s arrival on the scene.
The conversation was taken up by Gina, one of the make-up girls. “I love the part where you have Jensen kneeling before you in chains, begging for his family’s freedom, offering himself to you and then he starts to cry, like on the show. Just the one tear slipping down his face; it just breaks your heart.” Jensen stood watching this with his mouth hanging open, trying to regain his power of speech when one of the grips spoke up
“Oh yeah, I know what you mean. The damn guy is just so beautiful when he cries. Shit! It sets me off too.” All eyes turned to the biggest guy on the set. He even made Jared look normal sized and he was a biker too, for Christ’s sake. Jensen let out a strangled whimper as he stared at the grip, all while Jared struggled with the urge to sweep in front of Jensen and protect him. Misha would just love that. It would prove to Misha that everything the fan girls wrote was true, and they would never hear the end of it. So Jensen was left to defend his own honour. The grip went bright red, suddenly remembering he had to set something up for the next scene.
Misha spotted Jensen, stood and smiled, greeting his friends. “Hail Fartacus and Jensen, it looks like we have a new addition to the collection.” Snatching the now crumpled piece of paper Jensen held, he pinned it to the wall. “I look forward to reading it.” Misha turned back and gave a smile that put Jared in mind of all those documentaries he watched with Jensen about predators on the Discovery channel. Misha moved towards Jensen, grabbing him by the shoulders.
“Jen, what can I say? The fan girls just think you are the prettiest thing they have ever seen, and they want to protect you. Well, that is when they are not beating the crap - hang on, let’s use the technical term here - ‘whumping’ either Dean or yourself.” Jensen had yet to recover his ability to speak when Misha continued. “Now with me they love the angel hair. They all seem to want to touch it and they just love the voice. Now they think Cas should spend his nights holding Dean in his arms. Protecting him from nightmares and wiping away his tears, all while surrounded by my wings or trench coat depending on whom you read.”
Jared stopped breathing because he knew that any second hurricane Ackles would hit, but Jensen still looked like he had been struck by lightning and Jared suddenly realized that Jensen was staring at a picture which now had pride of place on the wall. It was a painting, obviously printed from the computer, and what it depicted made Jared want to sprint over to the wall and rip it down to protect his friend from embarrassment. It showed a fantasy world and the most striking figures were in the foreground. One was Jared dressed in leather amour, holding the biggest sword that he had ever seen and covered in muscles. In fact, the muscles had muscles.
But the figure which caught the eye was Jensen who was kneeling, weighed down with chains, covered in bruises and holy crap! He was only wearing a loin cloth and damn, there was the collar again. He was looking soulfully out of those huge emerald-green eyes (Jared mentally slapped himself. Shit! He really should stop reading fic) which were full of pain. Jared felt he should go and drag Jensen back to his trailer as he had to be in shock after seeing that. He stopped himself when he saw Misha follow Jensen’s gaze, and the smile grew to epic proportions, putting Jared even more in mind of a shark.
“You know, Misha. With that smile, are you sure Eric didn’t audition you for Lucifer? Because dude, I think they gave you the wrong angel.” Jared sagged in relief as Jensen seemed to have rejoined the land of the living.
“What a wonderful idea! Perhaps if I suggested to Eric a dual role, maybe it would mean a pay rise.”
“No, but it might mean that me and Jared get more time off.” Jensen seemed to be fighting off his stupor and looked ready to send Misha to join his brothers in Heaven or likely to join Lucifer in the pit.
“You have to admit though, it’s a great picture. It’s the art for the ‘Big Bang’ story we were discussing. I feel it captures your inner sensitivity, and damn, I would be proud of that package as well.” Misha nodded to the picture; the boys looked more closely and said at the same time, “wow.”
Jensen smirked and drawled in his best Texan “Hell, I don’t remember posing for that.” Jared mentally high-fived him for that comeback, but Misha wasn’t giving up without a fight.
“Jen, you look tired. Maybe you would like Jared to sweep you up in his manly arms and carry you back to your trailer, where he can lay you down and...” Jared had never moved so fast in all his time as Sam. He stepped between Jensen and the soon-to-be ex-angel muttering.
“Jen, the fan girls love Misha! Kripke will not be happy if you kill him.
“How about I maim him just a little?” Jensen growled, trying to get past Jared who smiled when he continued. “Naw, that won’t work either. Chicks dig scars, right?” Jensen squared his shoulders, giving Dean’s trade mark neck roll saying,
“Hey, Misha. I hope you like my entry to ‘The Wall’. It has deep emotional complexity, a fast-moving plot, and great characterization.” He turned, walking away, calling over his shoulder, “Oh yeah and really, really hot wall sex between us. Guess who’s up against the wall? Jensen smiled sweetly as the crew who had been watching gave up all pretence of not listening and ran to where the new link was pinned.
Misha’s eyes narrowed and he intoned in Castiel’s voice “You realize this is war?”
Jensen laughed “Bring it on Tweety Pie. I’ll try not to ruffle your feathers too much.”
Jared followed his friend back to his trailer more than a little worried, and was proven right when, as he stepped inside he was asked “Dude, seriously. Am I that much of a girl? I mean, a lot of the fics have got me being neurotic, OCD and bursting into tears if Kripke or Misha even as much as looks at me funny. And come on, man. Pretty when I cry?” Jensen’s voice rose a little at the end.
Jared froze in place, his flight or fight instinct kicking in. What kind of question was that to spring on someone, Jared thought. It was up there with a girlfriend asking “Does my ass look big in this?” Whatever you said it was like walking through a minefield, high on crack. Jared realized he was taking too long to answer; he could go with honest, “Hell, dude, the fact you have asked me that kinda says a little neurotic, and remember ‘Heart’ and ‘No Rest for the Wicked’? When I cried I looked like a soggy, snotty crumpled mess. When you have to do crying scenes half the crew want to take you home, wrap you up in a blanket, and feed you cookies. The other half wants to rip your clothes off with their teeth, and then feed you cookies to keep your strength up.”
He looked at Jensen’s worried face and took a deep breath “Dude, seriously. I don’t know where the fan girls are coming from. I mean, fuck! They have never been trapped with you in the Impala after a night of chilli and tequila and no, you don’t cry at the drop of a hat. Shit Jen, I cried at ‘Marley and Me’ too.” Jensen’s eyes widened to what Jared liked to call the ‘weapon of mass destruction’. Whenever Dean unleashed that look they all swore you could hear fan girls spontaneously combust, so Jared retaliated with the ‘puppy-dog eyes of doom’. It was a dirty trick but he was desperate and Jensen always folded as quickly as Dean when faced with Sam.
“Dude, I’m sorry, ignore me. I’m being an emo bitch. I’m spending way too much time reading Fic to try and outdo Misha. Hey, how about a quick game of ‘Halo’ instead? Let Misha have his fun. It’s kinda flattering he spends his time reading about us.” Jensen quirked his eyebrow and smirked and Jared reduced his Jensen meltdown scale to defcon three.
They settled down and Jared was beating Jensen when the door to the trailer was flung open and Misha fell through.
“Hey, dude. If you are trying to stop the Apocalypse you’re too late. Me and Sammy here already started that party.” Jensen called out, not taking his eyes from the screen.
“You don’t understand.” a flustered Misha stuttered.
The boys looked at one another, “Jen, if Misha is worrying perhaps it is the apocalypse, or OH MY GOD! Is ‘The Ostroff’ on the set??” Jared cried and they both dropped their controllers in fear. Misha shook his head, trying to catch his breath.
“Can’t you hear all the hammering?” Misha asked.
Jensen said “I just thought they were doing your hair again.”
Misha shot him a dirty look and continued “They are building the torture chamber for the Bruce Campbell episode.” Both men had relaxed. At least ‘The Ostroff’ wasn’t on set and then they replayed what Misha had said.
“What torture chamber?” asked Jensen with a nervous laugh.
“Bruce Campbell?” squeaked Jared.
It was a well-known fact that Bruce was top of Kripke’s wish list for guests and it looked like wishes really did come true. Jensen looked from Misha to Jared and said “You don’t think Eric has tried to sell Ben’s soul at a crossroads again, do ya?”
Jared shook his head, replying “Naw, from what I heard the Crossroad demon was too scared about the havoc Ben could cause down there and said no but was prepared to accept a night of kinky sex from the hottest guy on set”
“Damn! I hate it when they ask for kinky. I’m just not into being tied up.” Jensen drawled and high-fived Jared for the set-up. He looked thoughtfully at Misha
“Misha, you seem to know what’s going on. Would you like to share with the rest of the class and more importantly, how did you find out?”
“Well, it seems that Bruce is going to play a demon and that someone is going to be getting a shirtless torture scene, and I bribed the PA girls with the promise of photos of you and Jared in the shower.”
“Please tell me you made it clear that we don’t shower together because Genève will kill me.” whimpered Jared. Misha’s face lit up at the prospect.
Jensen narrowed his eyes “Collins, don’t even think it. I think we need to know who the sacrificial lamb for the fan girls is.” Misha looked mournfully at Jensen and ran his hand through his hair. Jensen couldn’t help but think and hello, Cas is in the building.
“Sadly I couldn’t get that information unless, of course, you wouldn’t mind stripping off and putting this on?”Misha held out the smallest towel, well, OK, wash cloth Jared had ever seen
“Not wishing to appear ungrateful, but which one of us is gonna wear that?” Jensen asked, backing away from the offending item.
“Well, the girls weren’t too particular, just as long as it was one of us, but I ruled myself out as I would be manning the camera,” beamed Misha. “So who is ready to take one for the team?” he waved the scrap of material at them while he tried to retrieve his camera from Cas’s coat.
“Hang on a minute. We may be able to work out who needs to spend time at the gym, and oh yeah, getting waxed.” Jensen said thoughtfully. While the three of them shuddered at the idea, he carried on “Right Misha, who wrote the episode?”
Misha brightened “Oh, that’s easy, it was Sera.”
Jensen turned to Jared with an expression of sympathy “Dude, what can I say? Just, damn, I’m sorry.” Jared collapsed back onto the couch, putting his head in his hands. Jensen patted his shoulder, “I mean, she loves getting your shirt off and making you cry. Maybe she will hit the mother lode this time, you crying while shirtless and tied up.” Jared let out a pitiful moan, looking up at his best friend only to realize the bastard was grinning. Jared unfolded himself, murder in his eyes, stepping towards his soon-to-be dead best friend.
“Well, how can you be sure it’s going to be Jared? It could be me or even you." Misha interrupted.
Jensen smiled “There are certain writers and directors who we know will put us through Hell. For Jared it tends to be Sera, me it’s Eric and used to be Kim. And we are still waiting to see who is gonna pick up the angelic bitch slapping”
A knock came at the door and crap, it was Eric. “Guys, can you come with me a moment, please?”
They followed Eric, feeling like they had been called to the principal’s office, the four of them walked towards sounds of frantic industry. They rounded the corner, shared a look and Jared muttered out of the corner of his mouth “Maybe we can make a break for the Impala and get the hell out of Dodge”
The sight which had greeted them would have made Alistair weep with joy. The basic set design was the Meat Packing Warehouse recycled for ‘On the Head of a Pin’ but it looked as if the interior designers had been in and their main palette had been red, if the blood on the walls had been anything to go by. It had been liberally splattered and it looked as if some of the props from ‘A Very Supernatural Christmas’ had been pressed into service.
The most frightening thing in the room stood in the middle of all the carnage. It looked like...“Fuck! Is that a rack?” hissed Jared and yes, it looked as if Supernatural had managed to get hold of what appeared to be a fully functioning Medieval rack.
Misha reached for Jensen’s arm and hissed urgently “Jen, I think we should be worried. After all, Jared is way too tall for that to have an effect!”
Jensen couldn’t tear his eyes from the gruesome piece of equipment, responding shakily, “Sera is writing this, dude. We’ll be fine. She has been trying for this for four seasons, so Jay, man, I’m truly sorry because shit, that thing looks really fucking real.” Jensen turned to sympathize with his friend only to see Jared frozen to the spot.
“Jay? Speak to me, man?” Jared appeared to have gone into shock. Jensen grabbed him “Quick, Misha, go and grab my emergency candy stash. It’s hidden behind my dartboard!” Jared blinked
“So that’s where you’ve been hiding your stash, you sneaky bastard!” croaked Jared.
Jensen relaxed, “Looks like I’m gonna have to find a new hiding place, but damn, it’s good to have you back, dude.”
The three of them became aware they were being watched by Eric; they quickly leaped apart and tried to act as if Jared going into catatonic shock was an everyday happening.
“Ok, now you seem to be with me again, I have some news but something tells me that you have an idea what is going on?” Eric waited for an answer, three grown men shuffled like guilty teenagers. Misha tilted his head, his face a picture of Castiel bemusement. Jensen ran his hand through his hair and Jared gave his ‘puppy caught doing something wrong’ look
“Hmm, well, let me clear up any gossip you guys may have heard. We have a very special guest joining us - Bruce Campbell.” Eric was practically bouncing up and down, reminding Jensen of Jared when he had too much sugar.
“The only problem is we have a very narrow window of opportunity to film with Bruce, so we have to shuffle our filming around. Now I know you are worried about the quality of the episode but let me assure you, Sera has been working on this for some considerable time.” Eric ignored Jared’s visible flinch and Jensen and Misha’s not so subtle gestures of support. Eric continued as if nothing had happened
“You would have had the script in a couple of weeks but as we have had this marvellous chance we had to grab it. So I have the pages you need, and we will be filming tomorrow with Bruce and he will only be with us a maximum of two days so we will be working on his scenes first. I just can’t believe we got him! Eric was passing the pages out; Misha and Jared snatched them and started to read through frantically. Jensen was still staring at the rack and asked Eric,
“Dude, I know we are really good at improvising, what with the non-existent budget an’ all, but where the hell did we get some of this stuff?” Jensen had wandered over to a table covered with the “tools of the trade,” picking up a cat-of-nine-tails in one hand and shit, were they thumb screws? Suddenly Eric looked shifty
“The story we have is brilliant. Bruce’s demon was a rival of Alistair from Down Under and…” Jensen had picked up some shackles now and quirked the eyebrow of doom at Eric “Oh fine, Jensen. Look, we didn’t have time to build all of this, so we are operating ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy on some of the props.”
Jared had been speed reading intently when the words “Who the fuck had a rack?” filtered through from Jensen in an awestruck voice.
“We felt that an anonymous amnesty was for the best! “ Eric responded and by now, he too was eyeing the rack warily as if it might suddenly leap forward and attack one of them.
Misha let out a gasp, grabbed Jared, thrusting the script under his nose; he had trouble reading it as Misha’s hand was shaking so much. Jared’s head shot up so fast Misha thought he may get whiplash. Jared stared at Jensen. Shit! He had to get to him before he read the script. He shot forward, catching his foot on some chains when Eric actually squeaked and turned bright red. Jensen stared at him. Dear God! Eric’s turned into a fan girl; the reason for the apparent possession became clear.
Bruce Campbell strode onto the set, looking round him. He walked up to the rack, nodding his approval and by way of greeting his co- stars he said, “So then, where is the pretty I’m strapping onto this bad boy, then?” He looked round until he spotted Jensen.
Jared, by now, had managed to reach his friend but he was too late. Bruce boomed out.
“So we meet at last, Dean Winchester. I’m really looking forward to this, the scenes are just so well written. Not only do I get some great comedy, I also get the chance to find out if you could to be as tall as your brother.” Bruce clapped Jensen hard on the shoulder and he staggered into Jared.
Jensen’s eyes were so wide by now Jared wondered if they should warn low-flying aircraft to avoid his eyelashes.
Bruce turned to Eric, “Just to get this straight. My character was always pissed that Alistair got to have all the fun with Dean and what with the boss being out, he is top side and has managed to catch the Winchesters and their pet angel. I love the “deal” he offers Dean.”
In the background Jensen could faintly hear pages being rapidly turned, and then a murmured “Oh shit” from Misha.
“I mean, it’s almost poetry the way Sera has written it. What was it? Oh yeah....
Listen, Deano, I don’t give a crap about horsemen, and God and the boss going mano-a-mano. All I want is to see you break for me. Alistair crowed about you for so long. Well, I know if I got ya, you would’ve gone quicker than thirty, whaddya say? You and me play together until the dawn. If you don’t break and I promise I’ll let little Sammy and Cas go; as I’m feeling generous they can even take what is left of you with em! If not, how about I see if the Winchester stubborn streak runs through little bro, huh? Oh, and no kissing. You’re hot and all that, but you just don’t do it for me.”
Jensen’s knees buckled at that and Jared propped him up. Bruce had an unholy light in his eyes and Jensen was ready to beg for mercy right there, but Bruce was still not finished
“I mean, the scene where Dean willingly walks up to the rack after he has said his tearful goodbyes just gets you right here.”
He gave a casual shove to Jensen’s chest. Jared felt Jensen’s muscles bunch under his shirts and he braced for Jensen defcon one. Bruce hugged Eric turned and left with a jaunty “Hey Jensen, get some rest, we have a long day tomorrow.”
The first thing Jensen managed to say was “Please don’t tell me that I’m the one who actually removes my shirt?” Eric wisely put distance between himself and his stars, checking to see if Jared had a grip on Jensen.
Eric continued once he was assured Jared had indeed got a good grip of Jensen’s shirt. “Look, Jensen, it’s not just about the shirt coming off. Well, ok, it’s a lot about the shirt coming off. This really advances the mythology; Bruce’s demon tells Dean that Alistair had outside help to break him, like Uriel says - the right kind of pressure. That it was Zachariah giving the help to ensure Dean broke, and the seals started to fall. Bruce goes on to tell Dean that if he’d been in charge, he would never have needed help to break him and this is the chance to prove it.” While Eric was telling Jensen this he was playing with a prop knife. At least, Jared hoped it was a prop knife in case Jensen got hold of it.
“To recap then, I'm going to be shirtless, strapped to one of the crew's recreational torture implements and you’re gonna let Bruce “Ash” Campbell loose on the wheels controlling it?” Jensen enquired sweetly, attempting to reign in his ever-increasing panic.
Eric nodded happily to Jensen before saying “You know I had to work really hard to convince Sera to torture Dean. She was all for playing with her favourite Winchester, having Sam face down Bruce to protect Dean from having to go through all that again. Then I pointed out that it’s perfect Dean material - the self sacrifice, and anything to protect Sammy. Now he's protecting Cas as well, it’s gonna be so great for me to direct. Now if you guys will excuse me I have to go and see how the angel-proof cell is going next door. I mean, can you guys believe it? I’m gonna be directing Bruce Campbell and I've told him he can ad lib a little with the physical stuff, because I know you'll be fine with it, Jen.” With that, Eric backed away and practically ran beaming from the set, leaving his three cast members to digest what had happened.
For a few moments everything remained quiet, then Misha slumped in relief, knowing he'd dodged a bullet, and Jared gradually let go of Jensen to see if he'd be able to stand without support. Jared was staring worriedly at Jensen; he even waved his hand in front of his face, and nothing happened. Jared grabbed his shirt again, shaking him gently “Jen! Dude, speak to me.” Jensen didn't respond; he was gazing fixedly over Jared’s shoulder at the rack, “Misha, don't just stand there! Help me get Jen back to his trailer”
Jared pulled Jensen round, and positioned Misha to help him get Jensen moving when Misha spoke, “You're right, we have to get Jen ready for tomorrow. I mean, it’s too late for the gym, but we can get Gina to wax his chest.” Misha helpfully suggested with the air of a man who'd been given a reprieve on Death Row. Jensen regained his composure and glared at his two co-stars who were desperately trying not to look too relieved at their lucky escape.
Misha took one look at the Dean who had just seen a ‘fugly hurt Sam expression’ on Jensen's face and attempted to salvage the situation. “I mean, we should go and run some dialogue.” To prove the point Misha flipped through his script “Though, in your case, Jensen, it’s mostly a lot of screaming, a few whimpers. Son of a bitch but there is some great snark on page thirty!”
Misha heard the sharp intake of breath from Jared and he realized that he was dealing with an unexploded Jensen, possibly one of the most unstable elements known to man and fan girl. Jensen straightened, fixed Misha with a glare and growled “I don’t give a flying fuck about snark. Have you seen that goddamn rack?” Jensen’s arms flailed towards the offending item, and then he paused before adding “Classic Dean or post-hell Dean? Not that there hasn’t been a few gems there either.” Jared grinned at that. Once an actor always an actor, even when faced with what could be certain doom. Or at least six months physical therapy, if things went wrong.
“Look, Jen, be reasonable. Do you really think any of the crew would use a defective rack?” Misha frowned, realizing what he’d just said but he ploughed on, regardless. “They’re paranoid about safety with a regular cast of two. Sorry, now three. They daren’t mutilate any of us too badly, and besides, have you noticed any crew walking funny because they’ve had too much fun with it.”
Jared tried desperately not to think about the grip from earlier when he noticed Jensen furiously shaking his head and backing away, ready to bolt. Under the circumstances Jared wholeheartedly agreed with Jensen’s discretion being the better part of valour attitude. Jared decided to he’d better get the two idiots back to his trailer where he could keep an eye on them. He started walking, thinking Jensen and Misha were following, continuing their bickering as they went
“You know you’re being more than a little girly about this, Jen. It’s only a little rack, and how much damage could it do? I mean, look how heroic Dean is about it. Show some Winchester resolve” Misha taunted.
“Tell ya what. Let me strap you to it and see if I can improve your wing span.” Jensen shot back.
The bickering continued but it was getting quieter. Jared thought they had finally run out of steam. He turned to speak to them but Jensen and Misha were not behind him. Jared found himself by ‘The Wall,’ his eyes were drawn back to the picture from earlier. There was something about it; a thought kept whispering at the back of Jared’s mind as he found himself staring intently at the kneeling figure of Jensen. It was just hovering out of reach; Jared tilted his head trying to get a better look. Then two things occurred to him. The first was if anyone came round the corner, they would see him staring at picture of a kneeling, nearly-naked Jensen with an intensity that rivalled any of Sam’s ‘you're my brother and I’d die for you’ looks, and shit, he wasn’t alone anymore.
Jared flushed and stammered at the new arrival. It was Justin, one of the guys from the props department. He had a wry smile on his face. “It’s not what it looks like.” began Jared.
Justin’s smile grew bigger “Dude, don’t worry. Most of the guys have been doin’ exactly the same as you. I mean, damn, have you looked at that bulge? Seriously, if that’s real, Jensen should be damn proud. That’s all I’m saying.”
Jared grinned back “I can’t possibly say. Even though we share a home, and despite what the fan girls think, I don’t keep Jensen chained, naked to my bed. That’s Jeff‘s job.”
Both men laughed and Jared noticed that Justin was carrying four long bolts. Justin raised the bolts in his hand and said, still smiling, “I’d better get to my rack and finish setting it up. I was called away to help set up the shackles that bleed for when Dean’s been on the rack a while. See ya, Jared.”
He gaped in astonishment. Justin was the last person who he thought would’ve been into that kind of thing - quiet, church-going, blushed if he swore. Perhaps Eric was right. Don’t ask, don’t tell was the best way, but Jared really couldn’t help himself.
“So that’s your rack then? And what are the bolts for?” Jared enquired, dying to hear the answer.
Justin’s face lit up with pride “Oh yeah, she’s a beauty, isn’t she? Took me and the guys a long time to get the action just right. My kid just loves it!” Jared’s eyes widened and he backed away a little.
“What? Me and the guys built it for my kid’s school project. We had a weekend free. But after we finished it Sheryl said we couldn’t send him with that, so we built him a scaled-down Catapult instead. Turned out to be worse though, he broke the Principal's window with it. I had to go an’ apologise for a job too well done.” Jared started laughing. He thought, ‘wait till I tell Jensen and Misha they’re scared of a high school history project.’
Justin continued “As for the bolts, well, they just make sure the rack’s completely safe.” Justin went to walk away. Jared laid a hand on his arm and gave him a quizzical look “Come on, Jay, me and the guys built this. It just has a few surprises, that’s all.”
A sudden thrill of apprehension skittered down Jared’s spine. He croaked “What surprises?”
Justin shrugged “Ok. See, if these bolts are in place, the rack will just tighten up slow with each turn of the wheel - it can’t actually pull a man apart like it should. Sure, it will put tension on the muscles but it ain’t strong enough to dislocate anything. Now when we built it we spring loaded it. If it’s used without the bolts and with the special dummy the effects guys put together, it’s a whole different story.”
By now Jared was bouncing from foot to foot, he was making Justin nervous but it seemed like he wanted to know. Justin finished up his explanation. “Well, if you turn the wheel three times, the springs engage and it rips the arms and legs clean off the dummy. Damn, it’s a hoot when that happens. You should see people’s faces.”
Justin's voice died away when he saw the expression on Jared's face. Jared clutched the stunned man's arms and gritted out “And if some macho idiot and his brain-dead angel decided to try it out before the bolts were in place?”
Justin swallowed convulsively, rasping a shaky reply “Dude, I don't know. It can pull apart a heavy-duty effects dummy. You know how built they are. I suppose it would have to cause some damage, I just don't know how much!”
Jared let go and started sprinting for the set, Justin in hot pursuit. At that moment an ear-splitting scream rang through the air. Jared knew who'd made that sound, he increased his speed. Jared rounded the corner back onto the set, screeching to a sudden stop at the sight that greeted him.
Misha was hanging onto the wheel in what appeared like an attempt to stop the rack performing its function of tearing someone apart. Jensen was strapped to it, looking for the entire world as if he was dead or at least doing a great job of dying. Behind Jared mayhem was breaking out. He narrowly avoided being trampled by Eric and the crew hurtling towards the source of the noise.
Justin pushed past Jared, taking charge of the situation, “Get the fuck over here now, and help Misha hold the wheels while I attach the bolts.” Jared joined Misha in holding onto the wheel, a shock running through him when he felt just how much pull there was. All he could think was “Fuck! Please let Jensen be in one piece! I swear if Eric doesn't kill these two idiots, I will.”
Jared glanced across to Misha; he was ashen and Jared thought he was going to be sick. All the while Justin was slamming the bolts into position.
“OK, guys, now we're gonna slowly turn the wheels back and loosen the tension.” He looked up and caught Jared's horrified expression and explained “Too quick and we could do even more damage.” In the distance Jared could hear the sound of sirens. Shit! They'd called an ambulance.
Jared heard Eric speaking; at first it was like hearing through water. “Merely a precaution, Jared. Don't worry. He’ll be up and back having the crap kicked out of him in no time.” Eric grinned nervously as he was faced with Sam’s ‘Bitch Face no 1.’ Eric then attempted to prise Misha's hands from the wheel with little success; in the end Jared had to help. Besides, he couldn't kill Misha while he was still attached to the rack - it might upset Jensen. Plus, he wanted the element of surprise when he throttled Jensen for being a complete moron.
Jared caught Misha by the shoulders and dragged him back as the EMTs arrived on the scene. The set was a hive of activity. Jared could hear Justin explaining a stunt had gone wrong, and there may be back injury. With that a back board appeared and preparations were under way to transfer Jensen’s frighteningly still form onto it. In a matter of seconds, he was strapped immobile to the board and was being carried away to the waiting ambulance. It was at that precise moment Jared decided to strike. Grabbing Misha by the lapels of his coat he almost lifted the hapless man off his feet. “Start talking, right the fuck now.”
“Jay, let go of me and I’ll explain.” He gasped out. Jared released him and looking even more rumpled than normal, he gazed after the retreating figures of the EMTS and the unconscious Jensen.
They watched as Eric climbed into the ambulance with Jensen, he turned back and addressed his troops. “I think it’s best we call a halt for today. I’ll let you know what’s gonna happen tomorrow.” He sat down and the door closed behind him. He knew that by the time the ambulance had cleared the set most of the crew would follow it. They would follow out of concern for Jensen and to see if they could use pictures of Jensen’s injuries for make-up reference. Tears pricked at his eyes. Damn! He was proud of the crew’s work ethic.
Jared turned back to Misha who was still trapped in his grip. Misha swallowed hard, “Look! Just promise me you won’t kill me, right.” Jared’s stony expression was making no promises. Misha sighed, “We were still arguing after you walked off, and I may have suggested he’d be more at home on ‘Glee’ with the way he was behaving about a prop rack.” Jared’s face darkened to Lilith-killing proportions.
“Look, Jared. How the hell were we supposed to know the damn thing functioned? I even went and tried the wheels out and they just spun. No tension, nothing? So Jensen swaggered up to it, got on and....”
“And when he was tied to it you turned the wheel three times and all hell broke loose.” Misha nodded miserably. “As much as I hate to admit it, you two lunatics weren’t to know that it’d been made by the crew.”
“From what Justin told me about it, the rack needed body weight to make it trigger. So either the dummy or Jensen would’ve helped to trigger it.” Jared turned to see Cliff standing there, “I’ve come to take you ladies to the hospital.”
Jared smiled, “Well, Cliff, after this I’m not sure there is much difference between a dummy and Jensen, and when I get to the ER I might just tell him that. Besides, I want to hear about that damn scream.” With that, Jared pulled Misha towards the car.
Once they were under way Jared turned to Misha, “Well, come on, then. You two were role-playing Alistair and Dean....”
Misha shifted uncomfortably, “Alright, I turned the wheel. Fine, nothing terrible. So I started doing my Alistair impression, all Marlon Brando on acid. And Jensen let Dean out to play and everything was fine until I turned the wheel the third time. It was as if it had a mind of its own. Next thing I knew Jensen was slammed back against the rack and out cold.”
“So let me get this right. Jensen never had a chance to scream?” Jared asked, puzzled.
Misha appeared to be embarrassed, “That was me - it was the shock. One minute we were joking around, and the next it had all gone to hell. Oh shit, Jared! What if I’ve really hurt him?” Misha looked so dejected Jared decided to take pity on him.
“Look, if I know Jensen he’ll be kicking himself for being so damn stupid. We’ll just have to see what they say at the hospital. Don’t worry, Misha. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Jared mentally added to himself - Hell, he might even be as tall as me, he’s always wanted that.