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09 January 2011 @ 06:00 pm
The Rack, (1/1), PG-13,J2. Part 2.  
Title: The Rack.
Rating: PG13 For Language.
Words:14,190. (Anyone surprised?)
Summary: Working on Supernatural can be hazardous for your health, both mental and physical. In other words take three bored actors, one very special guest star, add a dash of fan fiction and stand well back.
Disclaimer: Sadly they are not mine, I wish it were so but Santa said I‘d been a bad girl. Not to mention do you really think Jared and Jensen spend their time kissing in their trailers? And if anyone can provide proof I’d be eternally grateful. So this is a work of fiction from a deranged fan girl.
Authors Notes: Many moons ago, June 2009 to be precise I first started to write this (by hand no less in a caravan in Weymouth, don’t worry only 8000 words or so). In other words this was my very first attempt at fan fic, and because I’m such a git I decided to finally finish it. So now you are faced with plot line for the show that was Kripked to hell and back. But to be honest I just finally had to let this out to play with my other fics, in other words I’m so sorry. Beta’d by the wonderful Bigj52, a woman with the patience of a saint, and to who many thanks go.

Cliff pulled up at the hospital, “Ok, we’re here. I’ll park and join you guys as soon as I can. You two go and find out how many nurses our brave little hunter has caused to faint this time.” Cliff grinned at the two men as they got out and drove away.

As they walked into the E.R Misha asked “Which way?”

Jared surveyed the scene, and smiled, “Right, Misha. When I came in after I broke my wrist, Jensen had to catch up with me. He said all he had to do was follow the follow the trail of panting nurses.” With that, he nodded his head towards the nursing staff.

Misha stood opened mouthed at what he saw. Jared had been right; there was a clear path. It appeared that Jensen had cut a swathe of devastation, as he had passed by on the gurney. Judging by the sight in front of them a small war had broken out outside one of the rooms - it was all over who was going to undress Jensen.

Both men grinned and walked towards the melee, followed by a strange noise. Misha looked at Jared, puzzlement on his face, “No, it’s not the air conditioning on the fritz, and it’s sighing. You get used to it after your third or fourth visit to the E.R. Oh, hi there, Esther. Are the kids alright?”

The middle-aged nurse went bright red, nearly dropping the full bed pan she was carrying. Misha shook his head in amusement, coming to a halt by the room were the nurses were arguing. Eric was stood there with an amused expression on his face. He beckoned the other two men over to him, “Can you hear that energetic little debate going on in there?”

As he said that they heard a cry of “Ow, you bitch! That fucking hurt, I thought we said no hair pulling.” The voice was decidedly masculine.

Eric just grinned harder, “It appears there are several volunteers for the job of removing Jensen’s clothing, and it’s getting a mite frisky in there.” Jared grinned excitedly and fetched his phone out of his pocket to take pictures.

Misha tapped him on the shoulder, “Got any popcorn? Because this is entertainment at its best! Perhaps I should tweet my minions and give them some inspiration for more fic.”

Just then the head nurse elbowed her way into the room as Jared began filming. As he did so six very disgruntled nurses slunk away, two looked like there might be black eyes in the near future. And the two male nurses kept shooting daggers at one another. “Hey Misha, you do that and I promise to help Jensen dispose of the body. Besides, this makes for a great convention story.” With that, he stopped filming.

“I have to say, damn, I’m jealous. Six nurses to get him naked and I can’t wait to let him know two were male.” Misha laughed with a wicked gleam in his eyes. Just then a doctor approached and took Eric to one side. The doctor departed and Eric returned to speak to Jared and Misha.

“Ok fellas, here’s the deal. They’ve just gotten Jensen into X-Ray and we need to wait here for a while. It seems they want to keep him overnight just to be safe. Excuse me, guys, it seems Jensen wants a few words with me.” Eric vanished, leaving Misha and Jared to wait.

They sat together in silence. Just then Cliff appeared, walked over and sat down with them. “Ok, what have I missed? The crew ended up having to stay behind so I promised them I’d keep them updated and also to take pictures of any injuries so the makeup girls have some reference material. They’re already planning on using the pictures for the next time they hurt Dean...so that’s next week then.” They all laughed and settled down to wait.

Finally Eric returned. He was on his phone and was cheerfully ignoring the nurse pointing at the ‘no mobile phone’ sign. He finished his call and stood in front of them, “Ok guys, you can go in now. Listen, I’ll be there in a minute. I just need to make another call and I think the nurse will want to use me as a pin cushion if I make it in here.”

Jared and Misha stood up; they approached the door to Jensen’s room. They shared a look with one another, and finally Misha shoved Jared though the door. Jared staggered inside and then he halted suddenly, looking at the bed in shock. Misha was talking to Cliff and didn’t realize Jared had stopped; he crashed into the solid wall of muscle that was his co-star. He was only stopped from collapsing in a crumpled heap by Cliff grabbing the collar of Cas’ trench coat.

“Holy shit!” Jared breathed, his voice a reverential whisper. Misha dusted himself down and stepped from behind him, muttering about Sasquatches needing to watch where they stopped. Then Misha looked up and found himself at a loss for words.

“Oh....I...Errr” he shot a worried look at Jared; he didn’t seemed to have blinked since he saw Jensen. To Jared, the figure lying on the bed reminded him of Dean at the end of ‘On the Head of a Pin’. The only thing missing was the nasal cannula and finger marks round his throat.

Misha elbowed Jared in the ribs, “Oh my god, Jared, just look at him! He looks so...” Jared nodded in agreement.

“Shit, I know what you mean, Misha. He looks so....”

“If the next word out of either of your mouths is ‘fragile’, I swear I’m gonna knock one or both of you the fuck out.” Jensen growled at them as his eyes snapped open and he grimaced slightly.

“Jay, can you pass the bed remote? Shit! Lying like this is killing me.” Jensen was groping around for the control that would raise the bed. Jared moved swiftly to the side of the bed.

Before he handed over the remote he asked, “Are you sure? You’re not gonna do any permanent damage by doing this, are you?” Jensen glared as he snatched the remote from Jared’s fingers.

“Dude, stop looking at me like I’m about to bleed out all over the place. Honestly, it’s not that bad. It just set off an old injury making my back spasm. I’ll be fine in a couple of days.” With that he adjusted the bed until he was comfortable. Misha stood the other side of the bed, his face a picture of concern. Jensen rolled his eyes at the look of angelic empathy.

“Alright, I screwed my back on ‘Dark Angel’, and if I’m not careful it flares up again. I think nearly being pulled in half by a rack counts as not being careful. Can somebody tell me how many nurses it takes to put someone in a hospital gown that leaves your ass hanging out? Seriously, at one point I thought I was re-enacting that damn ‘Tentacle’ fic Jared found the other week.”

Misha’s head shot up and a shit-eating grin appeared, “I wondered where all the kinky shit was coming from! Why Padalecki, you sly dog. So it was you who posted the fic about a cross-dressing Jensen being saved from a gang of hairy bikers by a heroic pizza delivery dude! And how grateful ‘Jenny’ was when you were alone. Damn, it’s always the quiet ones.” Jensen raised his eyebrows at the description of Jared as quiet. Jared was blushing so hard that Jensen was seriously considering ringing for the nurse to ask for sunscreen so he didn’t get sunburnt.

Jared coughed and pulled himself together; he smiled at Jensen and said sweetly. “I believe that kind of delicate operation takes six nurses.” Jensen whistled at that.

“Six? Wow, were they all hot?” Jensen enquired with interest. Jared fetched out his phone found the video clip and put it where Jensen could see.

“Oh yeah man, real hot...especially the two guys!” Jensen looked horrified when he heard that, making Jared and Misha laugh.

“Oh god! You can see the fic now, can’t you? My broken body being carried in here by a sobbing Jared. Misha having to speak in soothing tones to get you to let go of me. And if either of you are starting to feel the need to sit and hold my hand while stroking my forehead, the door is over there. Don’t let it hit you on the ass. And Misha, if even one of your minions mentions the words ‘rack’ or ‘abused body’ in a fic, I promise a long and painful revenge. And Jared, don’t forget I have pictures and I’m prepared to use them.”

Both men looked terrified at the prospect, Misha recovered first, “What photographs? Oh, please let it involve gay chicken and a half-naked Jared!” As he said it he closed his eyes and waited for the response.

“Why Misha, I didn’t know you felt like that? If you offer Jared his weight in gummy worms I’m sure something could be arranged. Listen, guys, as much as I’m enjoying your comforting presence here by my sick bed, surely you have better things to do. Jared go home, take care of the kids, and Misha don’t you want to be with your wife?”

There was something in the way Jensen said it. Jared narrowed his eyes and then grinned, “I get it, you're gonna get some heavy duty painkillers. Misha, it’s better than You Tube; no way am I going home now.” Jared grinned evilly.

“Are we talking unutterably cute ramblings and seriously wide eyes here? You know - the kind that would make an amine character green with envy.” Misha’s face lit up at the prospect of seeing Jensen defenceless. Maybe, at last, he would be able to prove his two co-stars were at it like rabbits, and all his hard work sneaking around, trying to get pictures would finally be vindicated.

“Collins, if one word of this gets on Twitter I’ll set Cliff on you.” Jensen sounded a little shrill when he saw Misha reach for his phone.

Eric walked into the room and stood, listening; he felt that he should rescue Jensen from his friends. After all, he knew what the fall-out would be. There were still PAs in therapy after the last prank war; the studio couldn’t afford the medical bills. “Ok, guys, it really is time for you to go home, and just to be sure, I’m leaving strict instructions that if either of you try to sneak back in I’m to be called. Don’t forget, fellas, I’ve got all the outtakes and I will leak them onto the net.” Misha and Jared began to move to the door at high speed.

Eric held up his hand to speak, “Before you leave your co-star to recuperate just to let you know you have a very late call tomorrow. Due to all the upheaval we’re going to start around midday. We should be able to get some scenes with Bruce and then we’ll have to take it from there. Have a good evening, guys and don’t forget to say goodnight to Jensen.” Eric grinned as the two men stammered their goodbyes.

Eric winked at Jensen, “Try to get some sleep, Jensen. By the way are you sure about this?” Eric was pensive as he asked the question.

“Yeah, trust me, Eric, I might as well get it over with. Just promise me Jared will be miles away.” Jensen gave a weak smile, knowing that if Jared found out what he was about to do he’d kill him and then salt and burn the remains. Eric’s face lit up on hearing that. At least Eric was going to be happy, Jensen mused, and he’d owe him for this.

When Cliff dropped Jared off at home, he fed the dogs, sat down and looked at the revised script for the next day. Then he’d gotten bored. Shit! He missed having Jensen around and if Misha ever heard that one then Jared would be forced to leave the country and live as a hermit in Outer Mongolia.

He sat for a few minutes flicking from channel to channel; there was nothing worth watching on the TV. He was trying to resist the call of his lap top and the fan fiction sites. No, he would be strong; it would be wrong to read that kind of thing while Jensen lay suffering in hospital. Then again, he could try and find some fics where Misha got mangled to cheer Jensen up, purely in the name of research, of course, and to help Jensen feel better. With that, he got up, went to the fridge, got a couple of beers and settled down to his research.

When Cliff arrived the next day, Jared opened the door and Cliff whistled, “Shit, Jay! Did you sit up all night worried about Jensen? You know, clutching one of his shirts, weeping into it? I know you paced the floor all night haunted by fears of what was happening to your one true love? Cliff roared with laughter as Jared flipped him the finger.

Jared shut the door and passed Cliff a bag, “No, I didn’t sit weeping all night. I just rang the hospital on the hour every hour. No, I sat reading fic like a moron. Next thing I knew it was two o’clock in the goddamn morning and I’m shattered. But according to the script I’m supposed to be an exhausted wreck waiting to see if Dean is gonna be fine. Just think of it as helping Gina and Co.” Jared took a swig of coffee as they walked to the SVU.

“What’s with the bag, Jay? Are you gonna elope with Misha and break Jensen’s heart? Do you know what the fan girls will do to you if you do that? If you’re gonna run off with someone I think they’ll forgive you Christian Kane, but Misha, not so much.” Cliff opened the trunk and put the bag inside.

“No, it’s some clothes for Jensen; if they discharge him today I thought he might like his own clothes to come home in and not Dean’s. Besides, those jeans are that damn tight they could cut his circulation off and damage his back permanently.” Cliff roared with laughter as they drove away.

When Jared walked on set, he made his way straight to make-up. Admittedly they really wouldn’t have to work too hard to make him look exhausted; he staggered through the door and collapsed dramatically into the make-up chair. “Ok Gina, it’s time to achieve the impossible - make me look less than beautiful.” Jared grinned and his dimples did a victory dance.

Gina turned round, she was mixing a pot of fake blood. She leant over Jared, stared at him and purred “Honey, I hate to have to break this to ya, but the last time I saw bags as big as that I was carryin’ my groceries in them. But I’m a professional - I’ll see what I can do.”

As she turned away Jared picked up the fake blood, “Hey Gina, what do we need the blood for? I thought that Jensen was the only one bleeding, have they changed the script again? Shit! Are we sure the Trickster isn’t real and dickin’ us around?” As Jared said this Gina stiffened and quickly took the jar off him.

Before she had time to respond the trailer door slammed open and Bruce strode in; he grinned with delight when he saw Jared. He walked past and sat in the empty chair beside him, “Afternoon, Jared, are you getting ready for your emotionally charged scene with yours truly? Are you ready to beg, deal and finally offer yourself in Dean’s place? Man, I gotta say I’m looking forward to seeing Bitch Face No 9! Apparently it only comes out when Sam is in mortal fear of what’s left of Dean’s body. I hope you’re ready to fire that one up ‘cause I gotta say he’s a mess right now.” With that, Bruce relaxed back in the chair and waved blood-covered hands at Jared.

Jared narrowed his eyes, looked at the blood-covered hands, then at the jar and finally at Gina. She suddenly seemed to be trying to back away very slowly, without drawing attention to the fact she was trying to escape. “Wow, Bruce, that’s a lot of blood for a reaction scene, but that’s our guys for you, always ready to go that extra mile. How long you been on set?” Jared rested his chin on his hand, his face a picture of innocence.

He ignored the sound of Gina trying to open the trailer door silently; he waited for Bruce to answer. Bruce smiled and stretched, “Shit, kid, I’ve been here since the ass crack of dawn. They ain’t kidding when they say you guys are the hardest worked in the industry! I’d complain, but to tell the truth, Eric’s kinda scary when he gets goin’. But man, I have nothing but admiration for Jensen. I heard what happened yesterday and to get out of hospital and get back up on the horse...sorry, rack, so to speak. I admit I’ve done some crazy shit, but even I’d think twice about that.” Bruce looked at Jared and then at Gina who was frantically shaking her head, trying to stop him from talking.

“So let me get this straight. Jensen, who should be high on painkillers in a nice, comfortable hospital bed, is somewhere on set, strapped to the rack, having spent the whole morning being tortured by you?” Bruce licked his lips when he saw the expression on Jared’s face. It had gone from sunny, boyish and puppy to brooding, dark and I’m gonna kill somebody and leave the body for the buzzards. All Bruce could do was nod and wonder if it would be deemed cowardly to use Gina as a human shield.

Jared slowly stood up; he looked over to Gina who moved away from the door and seemed to be praying silently, “Bruce, please excuse me, I just need to go and speak to my idiot of a big brother...sorry co-star. I feel that one of us should remind him he should be resting.”

“Well, he’s lying down if that helps. “ Bruce winced when he said that to Jared’s retreating back. Jared looked over his shoulder and Bruce stopped breathing. Finally after a couple of seconds Jared continued out of the trailer. Bruce slumped in his seat; he looked over at Gina who was shakily trying to use her phone. “I take it that was Bitch Face no 9, right?” Bruce asked awe-struck.

Gina shook her head frantically, finally managing to hit the speed dial, “Cliff, get your ass on set. Jay’s just found out Jensen’s here. We’re talking an emergency...no, it’s worse than No 12; he broke out Bitch Face No1.” With that she finished the call and looked heavenwards.

“I take it Bitch Face No 1 is bad then?” Bruce asked nervously

“Trust me, it’s beyond bad. Jared only breaks that one out if Jensen gets hurt. It usually means that somebody is about to be Sasquatched, but this time Jensen is involved so I have no idea what’s gonna happen.” Gina was thoughtful; she picked up her phone again.

“Are you calling the police?” Bruce enquired.

“Oh, hell no, I’m texting Misha and the crew. They’re gonna want to see this, so if you’ll excuse me I just have to take this blood on set.” With that, Gina sprinted off.

Jared moved quietly, he was approaching the torture chamber set and he could see Eric was bent over the rack talking to a figure bound to it. Jared also recognised the set doctor who seemed apprehensive about what was happening. Jared moved closer and he could hear Eric speaking to Jensen, “You’re doing brilliantly, Jen, we’re nearly done. Just as long as Jared stays away from here we should be finished before much longer and we can get you loose.” Just as Eric stood up he saw Jensen’s eyes widen in shock. Eric felt a shiver run down his spine; he knew who was behind him.

“Listen, Jay, we can explain. It’s a really funny story actually.” Eric squeaked as Jared moved to eye level with Jensen.

Jared looked at the figure tied down. Jensen was trying to be nonchalant, but it’s a little difficult when bound at the wrists and ankles whilst being shirtless, shoeless and covered in fake bruises and blood. Jared looked over at the doctor, “Hi doc! What are you doing here? As a matter of interest, is Jensen fit and healthy? It’s just that I’d hate to kill a man not fit enough to appreciate my efforts”

Jared gently rested his hand on Jensen’s bicep; the doctor flinched at the look in Jared’s eyes. He was torn between telling the truth, that Jensen should not be there. Or the lie that everything was fine and, honest, the bag full of painkillers and muscle relaxants at his feet were not for the man on the rack.

Jared watched the doctor trying to think of something to say when a voice spoke up “Hey, Jay, did you have a good night’s sleep; ya looking a little tired there.” Jared looked down at Jensen; he had a nervous smile on his face, knowing he was trapped and unable to escape the wrath of the Puppy.

“Who me? Why yes and weren’t you comfortable in hospital? I’m pretty sure I heard that you should be laid up in bed for a least a week. So unless you’re a shape shifter what the fuck are you doing here?” Jared’s voice dropped to a growl.

Behind them the drama was being watched by the entire crew and Misha was seen in the distance running towards them at speed, trying desperately to tweet at the same time. He came to a halt by Cliff and Gina. Breathlessly he asked, “Well? Are we talking murder and mayhem or Jared asking everyone to clear the set so he can ‘look after’ Jensen in private.”

Cliff shook his head, “Nothing happening yet, but I think Jared is working his way up to exploding. I hate to imagine the fall-out. Do you think we should at least get the doc to safety?” Then they heard the sound of Jared’s voice growing in volume along with frantic arm gestures....

“Of all the goddamn....fucking stupid ideas you’ve ever had this one takes the prize. Jesus, Jensen, did you hit your head when this thing....?” Jared paused and kicked the rack, ignoring Jensen’s groan of pain. “Nearly pulled you apart...Dude, you are not Dean Winchester! You just happened to win a look-alike competition for him! And for the last time there is no such thing as Warner Brothers ointment! It’s gonna take weeks for you to get over this.”

As Jared ranted Jensen watched him with interest; after all, he was a captive audience. He managed to motion to Eric and the doctor to back away, leaving the two of them alone, or as alone as you can be with the entire crew watching. He let Jared continue ranting; he always thought it was good for Jared to vent his spleen occasionally. “Jay, just to remind you we are not alone, so if you’re gonna kill me hold on a second while Misha gets his phone out - he really wants to capture the moment.”

Before Jared could respond he became aware of a voice. By now Bruce had joined the crowd and was interested in what was happening, “What’s goin on? Come on, somebody tell me? By the looks of it Jared is trying to make up his mind whether he’s gonna kiss him or kill him.”

Misha bounced on the spot - his phone filming, ready to capture the moment. “Oh god, I hope he’s gonna kiss him. We’ve got a book running and I’ve got twenty dollars on Jared planting a big smacker on Jensen before the season finishes.”

Jared froze and looked down at Jensen, “Are all the crew here?” He muttered as Jensen gave the slightest of nods. Jared straightened up and took a deep breath, “Ok, that’s it, I think I’ve made it plain. When you’re better I’m gonna kill you, that’s after I’ve killed Eric for letting you be so damn stupid. Is that alright with you, Eric?” Jared turned round to look at Eric and feigned surprise at seeing the crew stood there.

Eric moved cautiously towards Jared, “Listen, just as long as you don’t kill him before hiatus, we’ll be fine. Look, Jay, we’re sorry but Jensen said he’d be fine and honestly, we’ve nearly finished with him. There’s only the scene with Sam being dragged in to see his brother and the rescue and then he’d be done for the day.” He took one look at the murderous expression on Jared’s face.....”Err, I mean week.”

“Ok then, just let me get into make-up and we’ll start and you better cut him loose while I get ready.” Jared went to walk off when Jensen’s voice stopped him.

“Hey dude, can I borrow a pair of your jeans? I think my legs are long enough now.” Jared threw a look over his shoulder.

“That’s not funny, Jen.”

Jensen’s face lit up with Dean’s trademark smirk, “Ah, come on, it’s a little funny.” Jensen’s laughter rang out across the set, making Jared grin.

As he got level with Misha, Cliff, Gina and Bruce, he smiled serenely at them, “Well, come on, Misha, we don’t want to leave Jensen hanging around too long. You know how he gets into trouble.” He walked off, and Misha followed him, trying to get his phone back in his pocket.

A couple of hours later the door to Jensen’s trailer opened, closed and was locked and Jared stood watching him. “Don’t just stand there, come here. I think you’re gonna love this.” Jared walked over to the man lying propped up on the couch by pillows. Jared knelt down by Jensen and he looked him over, concerned by how pale he was.

“Jay, stop it. I’m fine. Like I said, the damn thing just aggravated an old back injury. I’m not about to die on you yet. And by the way, you going all Sam earlier, I thought we were supposed to be flying under the radar? Dude, the only thing you didn’t do was cut me loose and carry me back here. That would’ve made Misha’s year. Come on, Jay, I didn’t set up that damn fic wall, and find all those links to distract Misha and the crew for you to just wade in and go all caveman on me.”

Jared looked sheepishly at him, “Sorry, Jen, it was just seeing you on that damn thing again. It scared the crap out of me, and you’re right, the crew are so busy with ‘The Wall’ they don’t pay any attention to us. By the way, what are you writing? Is it another epic from Kripkesbitch69? God, could you imagine Misha’s face if he knew his favourite fan fic author was you?” Jared grinned at Jensen.

Jensen shifted against the pillows and winced; Jared leant towards him, “Whoa there, Dr Sexy, I’m just waiting for the muscle relaxants to kick in, and no, I’m keeping the pain killers for home. That particular performance is for your eyes only. By the way Genève and Danni sent us an email. They’re having a great time, and once they’ve screened the pictures they’ll send ‘em to us. Oh, and Jay, stroke of genius saying Gen would kill you if she thought we were taking a shower together.”

Jared laughed, “As I recall the last time she stayed with us she caught us doing just that. Hang on, are those the pictures you keep threatening me with?” His eyes narrowed and Jensen smirked.

“So then, what is the latest epic? And do I get to pick you up and look after you while whispering sweet nothings, or pleading with you not to die?” Jared tried to look at the lap top Jensen had been writing on, he moved it away and Jared pouted.

“It’s that pirate fic you wanted me to write. I’ve been somewhat inspired after my experiences with Justin’s little history project.”

“Hang on, Jen, isn’t that a little dangerous? Misha’s not stupid; he’s gonna know it could only be one of us when you post that.” Jared was worried that Misha would find out about them and then the whole crew would. Jared knew they would be supportive but they wanted their relationship to be their secret for a little longer.

“No, don’t worry about it, I told Cliff to let it slip in his tweets. Besides, Eric’s convinced we had an escort of armed fan girls when we went to the hospital.”

“Armed with cameras, phones or video equipment?” Jared responded.

“All of the above, so it should be hitting the forums any time now and Eric’s doing a press release to make sure we aren’t besieged with fan girls sitting in a candlelight vigil for my poor battered body outside the hospital.” Jensen winced a little when he moved; Jared put his hand on his arm his face a picture of concern.

“Damn, that hurts. Still, I ain’t got anybody to blame but me. By the way, is Bruce alright after seeing you in action?” He glared at Jared.

“Yeah, he’s fine. I just explained that we’re very close and I hate to see you getting hurt. I told him you’re my best friend. I also said if you’re out of action they beat the crap out of me, so it was purely self interest.” Jared grinned.

“Just promise me that you’re not about to launch into that ‘Queen’ song, I can’t get away from your singing. By the way, did you bring the links I found the other day?” Jensen looked expectantly.

“Yup man, found ‘em last night, and I stopped off at ‘The Wall’ on the way in; nobody saw me put them up. Misha’s gonna be in raptures with the latest batch. I loved the ‘Leverage’ AU with me as the hitter and you as the thief. And the couple set here were pretty good. Although I’d never have put you with Jim it makes a great pairing. And I found some of my own, there’s a few Dean/Castiel that will ruffle Misha’s wings. It will just help keep him off balance. Now, come on then, what about the latest fic?” Jared settled down to listen as Jensen read to him.

“Right! Where had we got to? Ok, then the dreaded pirate, Padalecki had just finished a highly successful series of raids up and down the Caribbean. He’d been doing this in protest at the corrupt rule by Governor Jeffrey Dean Morgan and his Henchman Captain Misha Collins. We’d just gotten to where Captain Collins had arrested Jensen Ackles, the one true love of the infamous pirate, Captain Jared Padalecki. Captain Padalecki and his men are now fighting their way through the fort to rescue him......

The battle raged viciously. All around were the screams of the dying but Jared paid them no heed. He had to get to Jensen; he cursed himself for not making sure the other man had been safe before he left for his last raid. Jared carelessly ran his sword through the redcoat stood in front of him, his eyes scanned the room.

The battle seemed to be turning in their favour; people from the town had joined them in the fight. Finally they had reached breaking point with Morgan’s tyranny and had flocked to Jared’s cause. He caught a glimpse of the man he’d come to kill, Captain Collins. Collins was engaged in a fight with Jared’s friend and first mate, Chad. Jared felt his heart leap into his throat. Chad was no match for the expert swordsman;, he could see his childhood companion being sorely pressed. He was bleeding from several wounds inflicted by Collins who, as usual, revelled in the pain he inflicted onto others. Jared brutally cut his way towards the two combatants.

“COLLINS” Jared roared above the sound of battle. Collins smiled and with a careless flick of the wrist he sliced across Chad’s belly, making the other man scream. Captain Collins ignored Chad as he approached Jared, an evil grin on his face.

Jared looked over at his fallen friend but he had to concentrate on the man walking towards him. Jared swung his sword and unleashed a furious attack on Collins; all the hatred and anger he held towards the man poured into those blows, making Collins stagger backwards.

“Well, Well, Captain Padalecki, it’s such a pleasure to see you again. Are you looking for something? You seem somewhat distracted.” With that, Collins twisted Jared’s blade to one side and sliced across his chest.

Jared stepped back. He was right, you couldn’t fight a man like Collins with anger alone. He took a calming breath and began to fight more clinically.

Captain Collins could sense that there was a chance he could lose this battle. After all, Padalecki was a master swordsman. He could’ve been Governor one day but for he and Morgan framing his father for Treason. As Jared pressed him ever backwards Misha realized where he was. He deliberately made a wild swing at Jared’s head, forcing him to duck.

Misha sprinted away, leading Jared towards the deepest dungeons where prisoners were taken to be interrogated. He stopped, knowing what awaited Jared once he rounded the corner. Jared caught up and glared at him, “What are you? Too great a coward to face me, Collins? Are you looking for reinforcements to come to your aid?” Jared stepped closer to finish the man.

Just then a blood-curdling scream rent the air. Jared knew the sound of that voice....“Jensen?” He whispered the name, and Collins grinned delightedly.

“Do you like the way he sings, Padalecki? The rack has a way of making you sing like that; he’s just so pretty when he bleeds. If he was mine I’d never let him out of my bed or out of my sight.” Collins threw back his head and laughed.

The laughter died when Jared’s blade moved like lightning, running him through to the hilt. Jared watched dispassionately as Collins crumpled to the floor. With only one thought on his mind Captain Padalecki went in search of the man he’d given his heart to.

Jensen finished reading and looked up at Jared. Jared was entranced. Jensen smiled; he knew that Jared was a sucker for historical stories. He’d checked his browser just so he could write fics Jared would enjoy, and he should really tell Jared if he liked his stuff so much he’d give him the PDF link.

“Well, what do you think? Do I need to make the final duel between Jared and Misha more action packed?”

Jared started on hearing Jensen’s voice, “Possibly. Well, come on, then. Does Jared rescue Jensen? Is he all right and what about Chad? You usually don’t kill the good guys.” Jared was practically bouncing up and down.

“I promise Chad makes a full recovery, and as for Jensen - I foresee a heroic rescue with Jared carrying him back to his ship, followed by a lot of loving massages and very gentle love-making. By the way, did you sit up all night reading fic? You’ll go blind if you keep that up.” Jensen looked at Jared with concern in his eyes.

Jared shook his head, “No, not all night. I had some touch-up work I needed to do.”

“Oh really? Is that the new name for it? Am I gonna have to kill Misha for stealing my boyfriend? Oh, don’t tell me it’s the grip? Jared, how could you!” Jensen sobbed as he spoke.

Jared rolled his eyes, “No doofus, it was the painting from Passion’s slave. I had to make some changes to it.”

“Why? I thought you liked the way it came out; you had me kneeling there long enough. And by the way, all those muscles? Jay, you’re impressive but, dude, you’d reached critical mass.” Jensen laughed.

“What can I say? The subject matter was inspirational, and that was the problem. I’d painted all your bruises from the last stunt that went wrong, I heard Lou mention the similarities to Gina. Then you and Misha played chicken with the rack and so the picture was forgotten. Don’t worry, when she remembers to check, all the bruises will have moved. Ahh...the beauty of Photoshop.” Jared moved closer to Jensen and gently placed a kiss on his lips.

Jensen’s eyes closed, the kiss broke and they looked at one another, “Are you gonna be much longer Jay? Or should I get Cliff to take me home.” Jensen felt as if he could sleep for a month. Now his back was beginning to tense again and he really needed some painkillers.

Jared ran his fingers through his hair, “If you can hang on for a little longer we’re gonna finish with Bruce and then Eric says we can go for the day. I’m gonna have a real early call in the morning, though. I really should’ve come back to the hospital; last night instead of sitting reading.” Jensen sank down into the pillows. Jared picked up the lap top and pulled the blanket covering Jensen up higher.

Jensen looked up at with him with a smile, “No Jay I was fine, besides I couldn’t have staged my great escape with you hovering over me. Now go and be brilliant, so we can get home.” With that he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

“You just try and get some sleep and me and Cliff will come and get you soon as possible.” Jared dropped another kiss on Jensen’s forehead. These moments were theirs alone; to the crew and the outside world they were the best of friends but when they were safely behind closed doors things were very different.

Jared was just walking to the door when Jensen’s voice stopped him, “Jay, can you put that link up on ‘The Wall’ for me and then tell me how Misha reacts.” Jared looked at the table where the link was and then he saw the grin on Jensen’s face.

“Should I ask, or would the surprise be better?” He waited for an answer.

“Oh, it’s nothing - just a little fic were Misha handles a cursed object on set and gets turned into a girl.”

“Why do I get the feeling there is more to it than that.” Jared asked. Jensen’s grin was making him nervous.

“Well, Misha becomes the filling in a J2 sandwich, and then after he gets turned back...Put it like this, I ain’t the only one who’s bow legged by the end of it.” Jared roared with laughter at that.

“Don’t worry, Jen, I’ll make sure Misha gets it with your love,” With that, Jared left the trailer.

Five minutes later as he lay resting, Jensen heard Misha’s voice......”ACKLES!!!”
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: None
anne_higgins: J2 rockinganne_higgins on January 9th, 2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
OMG that was HYSTERICAL! I about died laughing. And oh, I wish Bruce would be on the show! And that ep you described! Even without Dean's manly tears, it would have been a neat addition to the season!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you, when this was started season 4 had only just finished. I wish they could get Bruce in an episode and I think it would've been fun to see him let loose beating up Dean.
mdlawmdlaw on January 10th, 2011 01:54 am (UTC)
Hehehehehe sneaky sneaky boys. m :)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:44 pm (UTC)
I know it's just shocking the lengths some people will go to, glad you liked it.
Stjra: Animated Jensen LMAO gag reelstjra on January 10th, 2011 07:00 am (UTC)

Oh hon that was hysterical!!

Loved it! So many moments tickled me that I'd be pasting most of the fic in here to show all the best I loved.

Great job! :D
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! so happy you found it funny. It just struck me as a way to pass time on a set and then the story was born.
     Mandy: Sepia JA Laugha_phoenixdragon on January 10th, 2011 09:02 am (UTC)
*Cackles hard* This was epic!! FRIGGING EPIC!! Gods, I loved this!! And you were worried?! WOW!! This was jut...AWESOME, bb!!

*Grins happily*

Gonna be a fav of mine, I can tell!!

*Squishes you happily*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC)
I take it you like this then? I promise it was my very first attempt at a fic. Originally it was just going to be the boys as friends and then when I came back to it I saw how to tilt it to J2, you can't keep a good little slasher down I tell you.
(no subject) - a_phoenixdragon on January 12th, 2011 01:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Jo: Hotapieceofcake on January 10th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
LOL! Enjoyed, thank you!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
(no subject) - a_phoenixdragon on January 12th, 2011 01:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Anaina_ami on January 10th, 2011 02:17 pm (UTC)
i'll join the hysterical :)
lol made me laugh so much. great story

Edited at 2011-01-10 02:17 pm (UTC)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks, good to see this made so many people happy.
zerographic: Dean Neck Pornzerographic on January 10th, 2011 04:11 pm (UTC)
LMFAO! What a fun fic!

This made me really truly cackle out loud:
"Behind them the drama was being watched by the entire crew and Misha was seen in the distance running towards them at speed, trying desperately to tweet at the same time."
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! and you could just picture that Trench Coat flapping as he ran.
veiw13veiw13 on January 10th, 2011 09:20 pm (UTC)
LMAO! That was hilarious! You did an awesome job!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
beatlemaniac9beatlemaniac9 on January 11th, 2011 06:34 am (UTC)
Wowz! What a funny fic! (Minus Jensen's injury...that made me sad.) I love how you had Jen be Misha's secretive favorite author!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I enjoyed bringing the funny (sorry about mangling Jensen) and I couldn't resist making Jen kripkesbitch69, it was just irresistible.
Claudia ManfrediniClaudia Manfredini on January 11th, 2011 09:06 am (UTC)
Oh god! I came here from "We love our boys bloody", searching the net for some J2 fics, and I found myself rolling on the floor laughing like a demented! XDDD

You picked up ALL the J2 and Wincest h/c erotic fictions cliches and made fun of them in an amazing way: brilliant! Just brilliant!

Please, can I make a request? I'm italian and I write on an Italian Supernatural Forum, where we also discuss J2 and Wincest fictions. Could I post an italian translation of your fiction there? I would really love if my non-english speaking fellow fans could enjoy and appreciate this wonderful fic!

If you want, you can send a private message to me on my Facebook page (look for "Claudia Manfredini"). Thank you in advance!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your amazing comment, I'm just so pleased you enjoyed it and found it funny. My work here is done *G*

The best of it is I write h/c fics so I knew exactly what I aiming at *G*

Seriously? you want to translate this? oh wow! by all means please do. I hope your friends enjoy this as much as you have, and I really don't know what to say *blush* thanks.

I hope that this reaches you as I don't have a face book account.

Edited at 2011-01-11 08:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - Claudia Manfredini on January 11th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
xwacky: j2 starexwacky on January 11th, 2011 11:10 am (UTC)
Haha. This tongue-in-cheek is brilliant! I laughed so hard. Both boys and you are deliciously sneaky; and Misha is a hoot! ;-)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 11th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I had so much writing this, it made me want to carry on with the fics! So if you want to blame something for all my other stories...this is it *G*
Somer: Misha Jensen Jared Jim ComicCon2010somer on January 12th, 2011 06:43 pm (UTC)
Yes, yes, Dean on the rack, Dean on the rack. Hands up who wants Dean on the rack! *has hand in the air*

This fic hits all the right buttons. Yummy, protective!Jared (go caveman, go) and it´s so damn hilarious (Jensen responsible for nearly fainting nurses, by the way, I would love to undress him; "The Wall"; that people know of the ticking time bomb that is Jared when it comes to Jensen). And the end? Awwww, that was sweet. I love it when Jared kisses Jensen on the forehead.

(And you and BigBang? A big YES from me over here! All I'm gonna say.....poor bloody Jensen! Yesyesyes!!)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on January 18th, 2011 08:58 am (UTC)
You know we really are a rotten lot to that poor boy! He must be bloody terrified of us fan girls.

Yes my fist attempt at a Big Bang and so far I've written over 1800 words and I ain't got near the plot yet! I do love my banter.
quarter mile, bunch of horses & some gasolinecalijirl5150 on April 29th, 2011 09:29 am (UTC)
Loved this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on April 29th, 2011 07:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you !
Sandycubsandycub on July 16th, 2011 08:17 am (UTC)
"he had a nervous smile on his face, knowing he was trapped and unable to escape the wrath of the Puppy."

OMG! Too funny!!!

Jensen writing fanfic! Love it!!!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2011 02:51 pm (UTC)
Again thank you, and once upon a time this was the very first fic I ever attempted, you know before I discovered angst and porn *G*. In the end I just had to let it out to play with the other kids.
Saltandburnboyssaltandburnboys on August 27th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC)
This was so funny; I love crazy Misha. Is it wrong that I really love hurt Jensen/Dean and rescuing protective Jared/Sam fics?! I mean the man's a giant and Jensen/Dean IS so pretty when he cries (and when he walks, talks, stands.... etc!) Thanks for writing this- totally loved it. xx
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on August 27th, 2011 02:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And come on, you know what I write, so trust me it's not wrong to love those kind of stories. Yes, Jensen really is that pretty. I like the fun stories, well you have to break the angst up every so often *G*