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25 February 2011 @ 01:23 pm
Life, death and realizing how much someone meant.  
Please feel free to skip on by this post, this is a ramble for someone I lost recently.  When I say recently I mean yesterday.

I received a phone call at work from Steve, it was to tell me that he and my mum had just had to break into nan's house where my Godfather Frank still lived.  Tragically the news was that mum and Steve had discovered him dead in the living room, this lead to the surreal expierience of sitting with him while awaiting the undertakers to come and collect him.  It certainly adds to the atmosphere, by the way please forgive me, my first defence mechanisim is humor and it's running on high alert. at the moment.

When we finally got home we all felt numb and disconnected to the events of the day, to be honest I still feel that way, then mum pointed something out to me.  "You know Frank was the second person to see you after you were born.  It was your dad, then nan and Frank, Grandad was parking the car." 

And I suddenly realized I can't ever remember a time when Frank wasn't part of my life,  dad died when I was 13 and so it was Frank who gave me away when I got married the first time (You know I really wished I'd listened to him when he told me I could change my mind about that one).

He's been the brother that at times my mum never wanted but loved regardlessy of how many times she wanted to wring his neck.  He lived with my nan and grandad, who were second parents to him... and now he's no longer here, I really don't know how to feel or what to do with myself right about now. 

But you know me I'll boing back, but for now I'm just kind of lost, I have stuff to post and I feel a little guilty about contemplating posting it, but on the other hand it's an escape from the mountain of red tape and fact he's never going to turn up at our again bringing this morning's newspaper, or spending Christmas day, or simply just being Frank.

You know I really do miss him.
 
 
Current Location: Office
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: Silence
 
 
 
rj_scottrj_scott on February 25th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
NO one has the right to comment on how you choose to handle your grief. Not one of us knows what he meant to you. You do what you think is right for you. I'm afraid I have terrible gallows humour - it's the way I deal with loss. Post away and allow your friends to support you in whatever way you need.

So sorry for your loss.

Di x x
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 25th, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
Hi there mate,

You know after I posted this I felt better, I finally realized it was alright to grieve, laugh and just miss the old bugger. And believe me I get gallows humour, I'm the one who can do a twenty minute stand up routine about her dad's funeral, it helps a hell of a lot.

Ill get round to the post tomorrow, but it's been nice to know that people have cared enough to comment, *HUGS* many thanks Di.

Ali x x
Gaelicspiritgaelicspirit on February 25th, 2011 01:47 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. There are some people in this world that are touchstones for us and it sounds like he was that for you. An no worries how you handle your grief -- everyone does so differently.

*hugs*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 25th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your kind words, and by posting this I've finally realized just what a big part of my life Frank was. I've just got to get used to the Frank sized hole in my world, possibly with the aid of some very bad jokes.
Echostir_of_echoes on February 25th, 2011 02:55 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. We all deal with grief in different ways, hon and if humour helps then humour it is.

I'm here if you need me.

*loves you*

sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 25th, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks hun *Hugs* humour always been priceless for the way I deal with the world. I inherited my sense of humor from my dad, (I think I would've preferred the blue-gray eyes but such is life!).

Thanks for that,it means so much to me.
blackpanther07: live life DO NOT TAKEblackpanther07 on February 25th, 2011 03:19 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone handles grief differently and NO one has the right to say which was if right for you, only you can do that.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 25th, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this. I understand that everyone handles grief differently, I tend to look for the darkly absurd in the situation, and no matter how bad things are there is always the faintest glimmer of humor. It's just not everyone understands it.
blackpanther07: live life DO NOT TAKEblackpanther07 on February 25th, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
I get it, I get angry when I'm hurt or sad and nobody understands that they think I should be like them and have a good cry or something.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 26th, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)
We're all different and as you say some people can't understand why you don't react the same as them.
Gerigeri on February 25th, 2011 06:05 pm (UTC)
You deal with your grief the best way you see fit. I'm so sorry for your loss honey. I can't imagine what you are feeling at the moment but i will say aprayer for you and your family. Just take your time and do what makes you feel comfortable your flist will be here for you when you need our support. hugs u tightly.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 25th, 2011 11:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you, humor has always been a great shield for me in times of stress. It keeps me grounded, I cry and grieve, but then I see the sheer absurdity of a situation and life just spins on.

I'll be back to my normal...well normal is kind of relative, self very soon. i just can't thank you all enough for your kind words and thoughts, again many thanks.

(Deleted comment)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 27th, 2011 07:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you, it's gong to be strange to be without him. But I know it'll take time and life carries on just a little bit lonelier.
     Mandy: Finally the Huga_phoenixdragon on February 26th, 2011 01:51 am (UTC)
Oh honey...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to say. I know you'll miss him. It sounds like he was a character! We're here when you need us honey. I wish I had more, but anything else would sound stupid and cliched.

*hugs you close*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 27th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks, it just feel strange you know? And the fact that you've sent this message means a lot. No one at work even asked where I ran off to on Thursday! well you find out who your friend truly are, and I count you as a friend. *Hugs*
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on February 27th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
I've been there, honey - I so understand. It just doesn't seem real, like it is a bad dream and you'll wake up soon and everything will be normal.

I'm sorry, sweetie...*Shakes head* No one asked? *Is speechless*

And I you, sweetheart...just know you can depend on us!!

*Loves*
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on February 27th, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
I know it gets better, it just takes time.

As for work there was only Barbara god bless her who asked. Even the bloody boss's assistant never said a word, hell she never even told my Boss! I mean the woman she works with! If I hadn't told Sue she'd never had an idea. You gotta love my work mates.

I know you guys are always here and I'm grateful to you.

*Hugs*