Please feel free to skip on by this post, this is a ramble for someone I lost recently.  When I say recently I mean yesterday.

I received a phone call at work from Steve, it was to tell me that he and my mum had just had to break into nan's house where my Godfather Frank still lived.  Tragically the news was that mum and Steve had discovered him dead in the living room, this lead to the surreal expierience of sitting with him while awaiting the undertakers to come and collect him.  It certainly adds to the atmosphere, by the way please forgive me, my first defence mechanisim is humor and it's running on high alert. at the moment.

When we finally got home we all felt numb and disconnected to the events of the day, to be honest I still feel that way, then mum pointed something out to me.  "You know Frank was the second person to see you after you were born.  It was your dad, then nan and Frank, Grandad was parking the car." 

And I suddenly realized I can't ever remember a time when Frank wasn't part of my life,  dad died when I was 13 and so it was Frank who gave me away when I got married the first time (You know I really wished I'd listened to him when he told me I could change my mind about that one).

He's been the brother that at times my mum never wanted but loved regardlessy of how many times she wanted to wring his neck.  He lived with my nan and grandad, who were second parents to him... and now he's no longer here, I really don't know how to feel or what to do with myself right about now. 

But you know me I'll boing back, but for now I'm just kind of lost, I have stuff to post and I feel a little guilty about contemplating posting it, but on the other hand it's an escape from the mountain of red tape and fact he's never going to turn up at our again bringing this morning's newspaper, or spending Christmas day, or simply just being Frank.

You know I really do miss him.