Title: Take Care of You
Word count: 6800
Summary: A Dominant Jared comes to claim his Jensen and promises to takes care of him when he needs to let go.
Warnings: Dom/Sub themes. With added h/c.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.
Notes: This is darker than my usual attempt at fic, this bunny bit and wouldn't let go! I must send a debt of unending gratitude to garvaldmains, for letting me send this to her and her encouraging me to post it and the wonderful Art she made for it! My hero! Now wit beta work by the wonderfulbigj52
Jared took a seat; he swigged from the bottle of beer he'd fetched himself. He was satisfied with his preparations and all that remained was to wait for Jensen's arrival home. A pleasant prickle of anticipation thrilled along his skin, sometimes the wait was almost as rewarding as the act. He understood the need for patience and so he relaxed; Jensen had rung to say they were wrapping up and he would be home soon.
He sat in contemplation of what the evening promised. Harley and Sadie were spending the night at the dog sitters. He'd set the house to a pleasantly warm temperature, after all he had Jensen's comfort in mind. The bedroom was set up and ready, all that remained now was Jensen's return and what he needed from Jared. Jared enjoyed the cold beer, rubbing his thumb up and down the bottle's neck; he glanced at the clock. Jensen would be here soon, and he looked down and appraised the picture he presented. Jared's feet and chest were bare, his only clothing was a pair of worn jeans that hugged his body yet allowed freedom of movement. He was freshly showered and he smelled of the shampoo that Jensen loved so much, a clean, fresh citrus smell. He wore no cologne, the only other scent that clung to him was pure Jared.
He heard the car pull up; he imagined Jensen bidding goodnight to Cliff. Jared had finished earlier that day giving him time to set up for tonight. They’d been filming the sixteenth episode of season four and it had been brutal, not only physically but emotionally, and this was why Jared had been so careful in setting the scene. They'd been given a few days off. It was felt after the last few days that the boys deserved a little down time, and Jared intended to make the most of it. He heard the key turn in the door, the beer was set aside, and Jared took a couple of deep, calming breaths, ready to slip into whatever role Jensen needed.
Jensen closed the door, waiting to be attacked by two demented fur balls, but there was no happy barking, so they were either outside or....maybe... had Jared sent the kids away? Jensen took his jacket off, hanging it up. He then leaned back against the door, rubbing the back of his neck; his shoulders were killing him with all the tension there. Jensen felt as if his skin was two sizes too small. He was restless as he played with leather bracelet on his right wrist, trying to regain his equilibrium. He felt as if he was adrift, he needed to be grounded after what Dean had been through and what Dean had learned in this episode. “Jay, where are you?” There was a faint glow from the bedroom, other than that the only other light came from a lamp in the lounge. Jensen called again. “Jay?” He pushed himself away from the door and approached the stairs when a slight movement caught his eye. Jensen turned and saw Jared. He was sitting in the pool of light cast by the lamp; Jensen couldn't see Jared's face but the lack of response to his call pulled Jensen towards his unusually silent boyfriend.
Jensen walked into the room and finally he stopped in front of Jared.
Jared remained silent as if waiting for Jensen to come to a decision, watching as Jensen started to rub his arms as if he was cold. Jensen shivered slightly, dropping his arms to his side. Then, as if making a decision he held his right wrist out to Jared in supplication. Jared made no motion toward the outstretched hand, this had to be Jensen's decision. Jensen was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, and once again he played with the bracelet. Jared slowly sat forward, catching Jensen's down-turned eyes, an unspoken question in them. Jensen broke eye contact, rolled his shoulders and in one fluid movement, he dropped to his knees, removed the bracelet and offered it to Jared.
Jared's eyes swept over the kneeling figure of the man he loved, seeing Jensen’s head bowed, his left hand outstretched, holding the leather bracelet, offering Jared the most precious thing he possessed, the symbolic offer of control. A faint tremor ran along the arm to his shoulders which tensed and flexed as if in anticipation of what was to follow. Jared drank in the sight and recalled how they had come to this moment.
Jared arrived at the back door of the club where Matt was waiting for him. Jared was ushered through the door and they went straight to Matt's office. Jared had known Matt a long time. He was one of the few people who knew this side of Jared, the in control dominant and it was this side of Jared that looked down on the floor of the club, “So there's a party tonight?” he said softly.
The club was heaving with people, some were dancing but the majority were moving to a different rhythm. They were dressed in leather, rubber, covered in chains, muted cries of pleasure and pain carried over the thumping bass line. Matt's eyes swept over the throng. He shrugged his shoulders, contemptuous in his dismissal of the partygoers, “Amateurs mostly, just want a little taste of the real thing. They're only here for the sex and spanking. They don't get the Dom/Sub bond, but they're friends of the owner so what can you do? I'll get my club back tomorrow. Anyway, tonight is all about you, Jay... Are you here to claim him? Because what's going on down there needs to be stopped and I'll be happier if I never see him again!” Matt poured two drinks and offered one to Jared.
As Jared reached out to take the drink the long, black leather coat he wore parted, allowing Matt a glimpse of what lay underneath - well-fitted dark-blue jeans, a black silk shirt with the collar open and a plain, black leather belt. Matt approved. Tonight wasn't about props, tonight was about the man Jared loved. Jared wordlessly drained the drink “Anyone fuck him?” Matt shook his head “Same as always, man. Just pain, but there’s an idiot down there who wants him as his sub; he's a bad Dom, Jay! It’s all about what he wants! He doesn't get where the real power is.” Matt hesitated, “I promise there'll be no interference from us unless you signal. The floor’s yours. I'd wish you luck but you don't need it.”
Jared gave his friend a genuine smile and it was as if another man had stepped into the room, playful, and yes puppy-like. It illuminated his face and then it was gone, leaving behind a stronger presence, serious, quiet and commanding. Jared walked out of the room and down the stairs into the main room of the club. As he walked people parted in front of him. Jared had drawn himself to his full height. He was at ease with his body and the power it contained. He kept a measured pace, never slowing, keeping his eyes on his goal.
That goal was a cross, St Andrew and from the masked figure bound to it, Jared thought the scene in front of him resembled a wounded lion being attacked by a pack of hyenas. The lion unable to fight back, yet, not one of the hyenas brave enough to attack on their own. Several “Doms” surrounded the man tied to the cross, armed with floggers and paddles, each taking a turn in striking the silent figure. No matter how hard the blow there was no sound from the man. Jared thought the man was gagged, but when the lead Dom stepped up to the bound man and pulled his head back Jared was surprised to see no gag.
“Come on then, slut. All we want is for you to scream for us and we'll go and play with someone else!” It was only words as the Dom continued with something akin to evil glee in his voice, “I hope you don't. I want to keep you all for myself, and you’re just so damn beautiful when you bleed.” With that the Dom pulled the head back further and licked at the full lips. They were bleeding, scarlet dripping on the freckled skin, the imprisoned man had bitten them so hard in his attempts to remain silent.
Jared remained in the shadows at the edge of area. The cross was on a raised dais surrounded by stands containing all manner of toys, whips and floggers and from the look of the man’s broken skin, quite a few of them had been used. The pack had stopped circling and appeared to show deference to the Dom who had hold of the man's head. Jared dismissed the others, the only two important figures being the Dom and the man. So he stood perfectly still, the complete opposite of his usual hyperactivity, all his concentration focused on the two men, observing their interaction.
The Dom was easily as tall as Jared and had gone for the traditional approach to fetish wear, tight, black leather trousers that clung like a second skin. His well-muscled arms were bare but for two large, black-studded wristbands; there was a black leather vest that showed off his well defined chest. In his right hand there was a flogger, strangely enough that too was black. Jared sighed inwardly, no imagination.
But it was the man tied to the cross who held Jared's attention. He was bound at the wrists, elbows, waist, knees and ankles. Jared could see a butt plug had been inserted into his ass, the hole looked red and swollen and even in this light he could see that there were tiny droplets of blood starting to ooze. The broad shoulders were shaking from the exertion of being in that position. His back was a mess, covered in welts, scratches and bruises, some of the welts were deep enough to bleed. His back then tapered into a slim waist, down to a firm ass, which also bore marks of severe abuse. The muscles of his thighs, trembled from the stress, Jared could see the man was struggling with his breathing; it was time to end this. Just then the Dom on the dais stepped back and swung the flogger. It was aimed right at the plug. The man jerked as if he'd been electrocuted, twisting against his bonds, his head dropping forward to rest on the cross, his breathing becoming more laboured.
Jared stepped into the light; he made no sound as he waited for the Dom to acknowledge his presence. The others soon noticed him and motioned to the Dom. He turned and saw Jared, “Do you want to play? The more the merrier? I'm sure this little slut can take some more.” Jared made no comment; he stood his ground. If anything, Jared should have been at a disadvantage due to being looked down upon. Jared stared at the Dom, a picture of controlled stillness, making no movement towards the cross. He maintained eye contact until the Dom looked away, and started to walk down to Jared.
When he stood next to Jared, he confided, “I'm trying to get him to be my sub. I've never met anyone who can take that much pain, he is just perfect.”
Jared finally responded “Is that it? All you want is to cause him pain? Don't you understand the gift you've been given?” The Dom looked lost and Jared shook his head in disgust. “How about if I can make him use his safe word he's mine, and you can go find another sub?”
The Dom laughed “Be my guest. We've been trying for the last couple of hours. Hell, we've softened him up for you!” The Dom then called out to the prone figure on the cross, “Hey pretty, we've got another player. See how you like this one.” Jared ascended the steps to the figure. At first he made no move, he just traced the damage with his eyes. He could hear the people talking behind him, he knew a crowd was gathering. They were here to be entertained. Well, he would give them a show they wouldn't forget in a while.
Jared stepped back then moved around the cross to stand in front of the now exhausted man. His head was resting on the cross; his eyes were closed; he looked at peace. Jared knew how dangerous this was. He'd slipped into his own world. Jared would have to bring him out of it to get him to respond. Jared shrugged his coat off and tossed it to one of the others without looking. He ran his eyes down the body in front of him. There was bruising on the chest as well and round his cock was a cock ring, the erection was red, and angry-looking. Jared had a few ideas about how that had happened. He needed the man to be with him for this to work; Jared stepped up close to the cross and for the first time spoke directly to the masked man. “Would you like a drink, Jensen? You've been here a long time”
The words had been whispered but the reaction they got they may as well have been shouted. Jensen's eyes shot open. They were dazed, almost drugged, the pupils were blown. Jared reached for a glass of water and offered it to him, cradling his head while he drank. Jensen began to shake more violently. Jared put his hands on his waist and spoke to him again “I've followed you. I know why you're here, but you must tell me why you need this... so I can help you. I'm going to finish this now.”
With that Jared stepped back, Jensen's eyes following his every move. Jared undid his belt and pulled it loose. He held the buckle in his hand then he slowly walked behind Jensen. He pressed himself against the wounded back and Jensen tried to squirm away from the pain. Jared slotted his thigh between Jensen legs and pressed against the plug before whispering “I'll give you all the pain you need, take you where you need to be, but you have to come to me and ask! You're mine, Jensen. It’s time for you to realize that I'll take care of you.” He leaned closer so only Jensen could hear, “I'm doing this to prove I can be this for you.” Jared took a step back. Jensen whimpered at the loss of contact. Jared stood ready to swing his belt; he looked back at the Dom and asked “What's his safe word?”
There was a silence; no one answered. Jared felt angry for the first time since he arrived “You never fucking asked for a safe word? What the fuck do you think you're playing at?” Jared was ready to call this off and just cut Jensen loose when he heard Jensen's voice rasp out “It’s ‘Clay’” Jared snapped back to focus on Jensen. Matt had been right about these idiots. They weren't Doms, they just got off on causing pain and with Jensen's head where it was he was the perfect target.
Jared stilled, took a steadying breath and in one lightning-fast movement he drew his arm back and brought the belt across Jensen's thighs. The force of the blow threw Jensen into the cross, his breathing becoming more erratic. Before he could compose himself the belt whistled through the air again and struck him on the ass. This time Jensen let out a gasp and tears started to form in his eyes. He felt a line of fire bloom across his waist before he'd even heard the belt snap.
Jared paused, watching Jensen struggle for control. If he placed the next couple of strikes right, he could take him home and then he could take proper care of Jensen. The sounds of the club faded into the background; all that mattered now was Jensen. He had to get him to break so he could begin the process of rebuilding him. Jensen was the strongest person Jared knew and his giving up control to Jared would be the greatest gift Jensen could offer. Jared steeled himself, despite what people think not all Doms enjoy causing pain. His was causing Jared as much pain as Jensen, and he steeled himself to finish this.
Jared knew exactly where to place the next blows. Jensen had trouble with his shoulders. He carried a lot of tension there, and he’d massaged his enough to know that was his weak spot. Jared changed his grip on the belt. He snapped his wrist and the belt flew for its target catching Jensen on the left shoulder at an angle. Jensen drew a ragged, sobbing breath as Jared aimed again and struck in the same place along the right shoulder.
“Clay, clay.” Jensen virtually whispered the word but it shattered the silence as if he'd screamed it. Jared threaded the belt carelessly. He fought the urge to run and free Jensen. Instead he glared at two of the other Doms. “Untie him.” His simple words were not a request, the order was delivered in clipped, icy tones. There was a shocked gasp, Jared’s glare hurried them towards the trembling figure of Jensen. They untied his feet and legs, then his waist, elbows and finally his wrists. Jensen crumpled to the floor. Jared gestured that Jensen should be helped to his feet. He didn't want Jensen kneeling here. That was only to be for them alone, not for these animals to see.
Jensen was pulled upright; it took several attempts for him to remain standing but once Jared was content Jensen wasn't going to collapse again, the Doms were dismissed. Jensen's eyes were downcast as Jared spoke to the lead Dom “Find his clothes and take them to Matt, we're leaving now.” With that he held his hand out for his coat, a frightened Dom rushing forward to hand the coat over as if it were a holy relic.
Jared stood in front of Jensen “You will follow me; you will not speak unless I tell you to.” With that Jared led Jensen through the club; he kept a check on how Jensen was doing through the mirrors that adorned the walls. Once again a path was cleared for Jared. He could hear the hushed, awed tones this display had given rise to, he didn't care. All he was concerned with was getting home. This would be the last visit either of them would make to the club.
When they reached Matt he had a relieved expression on his face “Will you two be OK?” Jared nodded “I know what I need to do. Thanks for everything, Matt!” Jared pulled his friend in for an embrace; Matt pulled away leaving Jared to deal with Jensen.
Jensen stood waiting. Jared moved closer and the first thing he did was remove the leather mask that had covered the upper half of his face. Jared reached down, checking to see if the cock ring was too tight, it didn't seem to be. He leaned in and spoke “That and the plug stays in until we're home.” Jared then handed the mask to Matt “Burn that fucking thing” he snarled.
He then got behind Jensen and slowly put his coat on him, gently settling the coat's weight on his damaged shoulders. Jared moved round the front and fastened the coat. He stood back and he couldn't help but enjoy how Jensen looked in the coat. It was too big, it almost reached his ankles and the sleeves fell over his hands. Jared felt a protective urge flood through him. Silently he took Jensen's arm and helped him towards his waiting truck. Jared opened the passenger door; Jensen managed to climb in on his own, but let out a pained whimper when his ass came into contact with the seat. Jared closed the door and moved to the driver’s side. Once he was in, he leaned across to Jensen and lowered him down so he was lying with his head resting on his lap. Jared reached over to the back seat grabbing a blanket, covering Jensen with it and drove off.
The journey home was silent; Jensen wondered just what was going to happen when they got back. He'd been amazed by Jared's appearance at the club. How could he explain what he'd been doing there? He barely understood himself. Jared would never forgive him for this. Before he could become more distressed a hand rested gently on his neck “We will talk about this tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to take care of you, just rest.” Jensen relaxed, the hand gently stroked his hair, and soon Jensen fell asleep. He was jolted awake by the passenger door being opened. Jared reached in and eased Jensen to a sitting position. He helped Jensen out of the truck and slipped his arm around his waist, supporting him as they walked to the door.
Once inside Jensen noticed an absence of dogs. He started to shuffle towards his old bedroom, not expecting Jared would want to be near him.
“Where you going? Upstairs, Jensen, my room. I told you I’m' gonna take care of you.”
Jensen looked up the stairs. All the adrenaline that had kept him flying had gone. He felt every welt and bruise; his arms felt as heavy as lead; his legs shook with the effort of just standing, and he didn’t want to think about his ass and cock.
Jared waited. He knew Jensen would never be able to climb the stairs without assistance. This was just another step; he would have to ask for help. To his surprise Jensen limped towards the stairs,as Jared kept close, wanting to see when Jensen would surrender to his body’s demands. Jensen made slow and painful progress up the stairs. Jared was impressed as he knew what a state Jensen was in. It must have been like climbing a mountain.
They were halfway up the stairs when Jensen’s endurance finally gave out. He was still wearing the coat, and sweat trickled down his face, his freckles standing out stark against his pallor. He leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. He turned his face to Jared, his eyes pleading. Jared wanted to help but Jensen had to ask “Jay, please! I can’t,” Jensen’s eyes slipped shut and he slumped towards Jared who quickly moved to prevent his falling down. Jared unfastened the coat, holding Jensen upright, whispering encouragement “Come on, Jen, we’re nearly there. A few more steps and I’ll get you cleaned up ...you can do that for me, can’t you?” There was silence and Jared was ready to pick Jensen up and carry him the rest of the way when he felt Jensen’s hand grip the front of his shirt, Jensen managed to stand and Jared once again slipped his arm around his waist, Jared supported Jensen the rest of the way. Once they reached the top of the stairs Jared manoeuvred Jensen into the bedroom.
The room had been prepared for their return; the bedclothes were turned down; there was a towel laid out and on the bedside table were medical supplies, bandages, antiseptic creams and pain killers. Jensen took in the sight before him and shame washed over him. Before he could speak Jared laid a hand on his shoulder, then he took the coat and started to remove it. Jared dropped the coat on a chair and Jensen started to shiver although the room was warm. Jared wasn’t surprised after what Jensen had put himself through, and he took Jensen by the hand and led him to the en-suite bathroom.
Once in there, Jared stripped his clothes off with an economy of movement, then he turned on the shower setting a warm temperature, too hot would just cause more damage to Jensen. Jared paused for a second to gather himself, the next part wouldn’t be pleasant for either of them... the plug had to be removed. Jared reached for Jensen and guiding him under the warm spray, Jensen’s teeth were chattering, Jared tenderly washed Jensen down, soothing sore muscles, cleaning the sweat from his hair and body, cleansing Jensen of the remnants of the club, leaving only the ring and plug to be dealt with and this couldn’t be put off any longer.
Jared positioned himself behind Jensen, leaned in and spoke “Brace your arms against the wall, Jensen.” Jensen leant forward, his arms shaking with strain. Jared knew this would have to be quick so his fingers brushed against the base of the plug causing Jensen to moan in pain. With his other hand Jared reached round and started to stroke Jensen’s erect cock, the stimulation causing painful shudders to rip through Jensen, Jared toyed with the catch on the ring, taking a firmer grip on the plug. If timed right Jensen would get some pleasure from this. Jared leaned in and growled down Jensen’s ear as he flicked the catch open “Come for me,” he bit down on the ear and gave a sharp tug on the plug, pulling it free. Jensen screamed but the pain from the plug being pulled free was tempered by the orgasm that slammed through him as Jared kept stroking his pulsing cock. Come splattered against the wall of the shower as Jensen’s legs gave way and his vision darkened. He could faintly hear Jared talking to him but he was just so tired, he finally let go and let Jared take care of him.
When Jensen had started to come, Jared had shifted position. He braced himself against Jensen with his arm wrapped around his waist. Jensen’s arms dropped to his sides, his head lolled back against Jared’s shoulder. All the while Jared kept talking to Jensen “That’s it, let go, I’m here, you’re safe, you’re mine and no one will ever hurt you like that again.” Jared felt Jensen grow heavier in his arms. He turned the water off and scooped Jensen up, carrying him out of the bathroom to the bed.
Jared laid his precious cargo down on the towel. He reached over, picked up another towel and gently dried Jensen off, being careful of the marks that covered Jensen’s back. Once Jared was satisfied, he decided to tend to the worst of the injuries. Most were bruises that would be painful but would heal fairly quickly once they had been treated. Some of the welts had bled so they needed antiseptic cream, which Jared studiously applied, soothing Jensen back to sleep when he stirred. Jared also cleaned and bandaged Jensen’s abused wrists as he had obviously fought against the restraints and the delicate skin of the wrist had been abraded. Finally Jared tended to the most intimate of the injuries. He was glad Jensen wasn’t awake for this. Jared had taken a closer look the area. It was swollen and there was a small tear and that’s what had caused the bleeding he’d seen at the club. Jensen was no longer bleeding so he didn’t think they would need a doctor. Jared liberally covered his finger and delicately applied some cream both inside and out, all the while gently stroking Jensen’s arm to keep him calm. Once he finished this task Jared picked Jensen up off the towel and placed him in bed, covering him with the quilt. He then cleared away all the supplies apart from the pain killers, they were for the morning.
Jared stood at the foot of the bed watching Jensen sleep. There were dark circles under his eyes and it looked as if he was starting to have a nightmare. Jared climbed in bed behind him, settling as close as he could before curling protectively around Jensen, whispering to him “There is nothing to be scared of, I'm here,” As he spoke Jensen stilled and moved closer to Jared.
Jensen woke the next morning to the smell of coffee floating through the house. For a few blissful seconds there was nothing but a feeling of being warm and protected, then he moved. Suddenly the events of the night came back to him in sharp relief as pain flooded through him. Jensen tried to sit up, but the fire in his lower back and ass soon put a stop to that. He rolled on his side and spotted his glasses sitting on top of a note.
Jensen put his glasses on and read the note. Jared had requested his presence downstairs if he could make it and he’d put clothes out for him to wear. Jensen lay there non-plussed, no one had ever done that kind of thing for him. He looked at the bottom of the bed and smiled at what he saw. He heard a noise and looked up. Jared was in the doorway, “Sorry I couldn’t wait. Do you need help?” Jensen wasn’t used to this quiet, collected version of his boyfriend and timidly shook his head. Jared walked in and sat on the bed, “Look, we need to talk. We can do it here or downstairs...I mean, you can lie on the couch. It’s up to you.” Jared sat in silence while Jensen made up his mind. “Downstairs please,” Jensen croaked. With that Jared stood, Jensen threw back the covers, swung his legs out of the bed and stood up. The movement caused the world to tilt violently and Jensen found himself being held by Jared, wondering how the hell he’d gotten there.
Jared smiled kindly at Jensen, “Right. Do you want to try that again without the ‘Dean Winchester’ approach to injury?” Jensen blushed, looked down and rubbed at the back of his neck. Jared let go of him and Jensen remained standing. Before he could process any of this Jared started to help him dress. Jared put a pair of boxers on the floor, encouraging Jensen to step into them, pulling them up. Jared then repeated the process with a pair of sweat pants. Jensen started to feel dizzy, Jared sprang to his feet and held him, Alright now?” Jared asked. Jensen nodded. Jared picked up an old hoodie of his; he threaded Jensen’s arms through and then eased it over his head supporting his arms while he did it. Jared stepped back to admire his work; the sleeves were too long and it covered his ass, hanging down over his thighs. What with his hair sticking up and the wire-rimmed glasses there was only one word to describe how Jensen looked “Adorable” Jared grinned as he bounced on his toes. This earned a pout from Jensen who resembled a five year old wearing his brother’s clothes.
Jared held out his hands to help Jensen down the stairs. They made slow progress down to the sitting room, and by the time Jared lowered Jensen to the couch both men were sweating with the effort. Jared understood why Jensen wanted to be here though, it was neutral territory. Jensen could relax and just maybe they could come to an understanding.
Jensen settled himself on his side, propped up by pillows. He lay watching Jared, and he was trying to summon up the courage to speak when Jared pulled up a chair and sat down on it. Jared contemplated Jensen and decided to get the ball rolling.
“I'm pretty sure I gave you one hell of a surprise last night. Like I said, we're going to talk and I'll start. There are some things you should know about me, Jensen. I've known Matt for a few years now. We met in L.A. at a club he managed. Chad took me there one night. There weren't enough tits on show for Chad so he didn't go back. Me on the other hand, I kept going back... I was fascinated. That's where I discovered what I really needed; how I could strengthen my more dominant side.” Jared fell silent, challenging Jensen to comment. The longer the silence stretched the more Jensen fidgeted, and when it was required Jared had infinite amounts of patience.
“Did you and Sandy ever? I mean, was she your sub?” Jensen blushed as he asked. Jared just shook his head. Jensen didn't know what to say, he'd never suspected this side to Jared. His fingers nervously picked at the sleeves of the hoodie, he swallowed hard before speaking again.
“You said you'd followed me there. Why didn't you say something to me? I felt like I was cheating on you...” Jensen was having trouble getting the words out, but still Jared didn't respond. Jensen continued to fill up the silence. “It’s just that… I need to feel, you know? I have to understand what happened, I just can't let go of...” a sob tore out of Jensen,
Jared dropped to his knees beside him and spoke gently “It’s Dean, isn't it? What is it? Do you want to feel his pain, what he endured in hell? That's why you subjected yourself to those beatings? Am I right? At first, is that why you went?” All Jensen could do was nod, he couldn't look at Jared as he felt shame wash over him.
Jared ran his fingers through Jensen’s short, spiky hair “The more you felt, the more you needed, Jensen, it's no longer about the pain... it’s more about control. You want to give up your control and let someone take care of you, just for a little while.” Jensen raised his eyes, tears welled in them.
“I'm so weak,” Jensen said simply, “I mean, it was research at first. Method, get to the heart of Dean's pain and you get to the heart of Dean. Last night something changed. It was when you stepped in front of me I just wanted to give up. I didn't need the pain. I just wanted to...”
He couldn’t find the words, so Jared finished the sentence “be taken care of.” Jared looked straight into those green eyes “Do you know why I could never be a sub, Jensen?”
Jensen grimaced. That was an easy question “Because you're strong, stronger than me.”
Jared gave him a soft smile “Quite the opposite. It's because I'm too weak to give up my control. Jared could see this wasn’t making sense to Jensen and he thought of the words he needed to use to explain “The real power between a Dom and a Sub lies with the Sub; they control what happens; they have the safe word; they tell us when to stop. Jensen, you have to be strong to know when you want to let go and be looked after. I could never ask for that.”
A silence descended between the two men. Jared sat and waited. He wanted to be the one who cared for Jensen, protect him when he needed to be looked after, but Jensen had to be the one who gave him permission.
Jensen looked up into Jared's eyes. This was so complicated but at the same time this was ‘his Jared’ and it was an easy decision to take that final step. “Jay, will you take care of me, please? I'll do whatever you want me to. I’ll never go back there again, I promise” Jared's heart skipped a beat. He felt humbled that Jensen had offered him this, but there had to be rules. Jensen had to understand what he was offering. “How does this work? Will you want me to wear a collar and walk around the house naked?” Jensen was smiling and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jared grinned in response. This was better, the Jensen he knew and loved was regaining control.
Jared tapped his finger against his chin “Well, I like the naked part. I was thinking more along the line of something a little more permanent, maybe ‘Property of Jared Padalecki’ tattooed on your ass”
Jensen went even paler and swallowed, “Oh man, I’m sorry! I couldn’t resist it! The look on your face! Priceless.”
Jensen’s eyes narrowed “When I’m better I’m so kicking your ass, Sasquatch.” He growled
Jared replied “I look forward to it, but I think I’m safe for today. Hell, I bet even Castiel could kick your ass.” Jensen started to laugh, shaking his head; Jared decided to move the conversation back to a more serious level.
“Jensen, I love the way we are, and I wouldn’t want to alter a thing. If you want this, it would be when you need it. We’re a partnership, equals in everything we do. I can be whatever you want me to be. I’ll protect you and when I have to I’ll push your pain boundaries, take you outside yourself, if that’s what you need, but I will never hurt you like this again.”
Jared waited for Jensen’s answer, “You’ll be my safety net, then? When Dean gets to be too much? I can let everything go for a little while? 'Cos I just need to breathe. It feels like I’m suffocating and this helps. I just didn’t know how to ask or who to ask.”
Jared understood more than Jensen knew. He knew that’s why Jensen had gone to the club and how he could’ve been a victim of some idiot who just wanted a fuck toy. It was part of the reason why Jared had never had a Sub - no one had ever lived up to his high standards. He wanted someone strong-willed, intelligent and independent. Jensen was all that and more, yet there was a vulnerability to him that appealed to Jared and he loved Jensen’s controlled, reserved nature. If Jensen was prepared to hand over that control to Jared, he would guard that trust and never abuse it.
Jared reached for one of the hands that still fiddled with the cuff of the hoodie, “The best way for this to work will be for you to come to me when you’re ready and I’ll be what you need.” Jared paused, looked at his own wrist and was suddenly inspired. He was wearing a leather bracelet. It was black, made of three twisted strands separated by strips of silver, almost Native American in design. Jared removed it and placed round Jensen’s right wrist.
“When things get too much, come to me and give this back and I’ll know it’s time for me to look after you. You’ll have to tell me what you want of me and there will always be a safe word. You understand me?”
When Jensen finally met Jared’s eyes, there was a determination burning in them, a light Jared hadn’t seen for a while, and for the first time since last night Jared felt like he could take a breath. He’d been scared Jensen was slipping away, now he’d be the one to keep Jensen grounded.
“By the way, your safe word last night...” Jared’s voice trailed away.
“Oh, you mean ‘Clay’. Dude, you were hotter than hell in that film, and if I was gonna scream something, it at least it was going to remind me of you!” Jensen smirked at him.
“You’re gonna be a challenge, aren’t you?” Jared laughed.
“Come on, Jay. I thought that’s what you loved about me?” Jared couldn’t fight it any more, he leaned in and kissed Jensen. It was slow, gentle and full of promise of what was to come.
That had been several months ago and Jared had been expecting this ever since he’d read the script for the episode they’d just filmed. Jensen had become wrapped up in Dean’s pain and he was becoming increasingly edgy. Jared was prepared to punish Jensen for Dean’s transgressions. There were times when Jared couldn’t see where Dean ended and Jensen began, and these were the moments the bracelet was made for.
With one final look at Jensen’s kneeling figure, Jared stood and took a firm hold on the outstretched wrist “It’s alright, I’ll take care of you now.”