Friends, Romans, Fl*sters, well I’m at it again run for the hills! Now the other day I received an email. At first I was stunned by its contents, then intrigued and finally out and out amused by the thing. Attached was a copy of an article that was an extract of a sex education text book from the 1960s, an English one to be exact. When you see it you’ll understand why we Brits have such an uptight attitude to sex (hides her bracelet fics). I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw things. But then my mind began to wander....and you all know that is never a good thing! My imagination should be accompanied by a responsible adult at all times...which really puts me out of the running for the job.
And so this idea began to form.......
“Goddamnit Kane you asshole!”
Jared lifted his head from the latest script, and watched as Jensen went bright red and looked as if he was about to explode. Jared lounged back and put the script down; he waited for Jensen to tell him what was wrong. Instead Jensen glared at his lap top as if it had personally insulted him.
“Something wrong Jen? Only you look a little distressed there, and what exactly has your esteemed best friend done to you?”
Jared was hoping that little piece of encouragement would yield results, and he wasn’t disappointed by Jensen’s reaction. He went even redder and pointed at the screen...”Kane the asshole just sent me an email.”
“I think you’ve established Kane’s asshole status, what’s he sent? Oh god it’s not another manip of Chad having sex with Kim Kardashian is it? I’m still traumatized after the last one...although the picture was really good, Christ you don’t think Chad actually managed too.....”
Both men stopped and shuddered, “Jesus, I don’t even want to think about that, there ain’t enough Tequila or mind bleach in the world to get over that. No, kane has sent me some relationship advice. Take a look.”
Jensen handed over his lap top and Jared settled down to read Kane’s email.
Subject: Rules for taking care of your Sasquatch.
Hi there, Jenny.
Now I know you would do anything to make certain your Sasquatch is healthy and happy. I should know I’ve been round yours when ya feed him, then I saw this educational article and I thought of you. It gives you a deep and meaningful advice for how to ‘satisfy’ your partner’s amorous demands.
Yeah I saw this and thought of you princess (by the way when did you pose for that picture?)
Now I ain’t commenting on Jay’s ‘more unusual practices’, but don’t forget I know where you keep the fluffy handcuffs and flavoured lube. I hope this helps you with the difficult aspect of your relationship.
I just wish I could see you stumble round the kitchen half asleep, trying to make Jay breakfast in bed, what does he use for an alarm...a cattle prod?
Jared sat and roared with laughter, “Oh man, Princess! And when did you pose for that picture Jen?”
He ducked out of the way of a well aimed pillow, and grinned at Jensen as he pouted at him.
“That’s it you laugh it up sweetheart, but didn’t finish the email did you?”
Jared got a sinking feeling when he saw Jensen smirk at him; his eyes were drawn to the screen once more.
Mind you thinking about it, your hair is way too short for rollers, I bet Jared looks just darling with his hair curled, his face cream on, and a little pink nightie.....remember Brian May?
Jared’s eyes grew wide, “Kane you asshole!”
Ok I couldn't help myself, but really when faced with the English attitude towards sex, all you can do is fight back any way you can. I'll now return you to your nice relaxing Sunday.