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14 July 2012 @ 04:22 pm
Fifty shades of irritation!  

Ahhh my dear Friends, Romans, Fl*sters, please excuse me butting into your precious Saturday, but my spleen needs to be vented.

Okie-dokie now unless you've been hiding under a rock and boy you're damn lucky if you have been, I'm pretty sure you're all aware of a little book called Fifty Shades of Grey, *heads desk* the bloody thing is driving me up the wall.

Why I hear you ask? (waits for the sound of crickets chirping to die down) My darling bloody mother knows about it, and I made the classic mistake of explaining where it came from. Now all I get is, "Well why don't you do something like that?  I mean it's better than wasting your time writing that fan crap you do." I smile sweetly, laugh heartily, nearly dislocate my eyeballs when I roll them.

She thinks that my scribbles if treated right will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams....well that's a bit unfair, but she's now convinced I could be earning the family money, instead of writing drivel that earns bugger all.

Now I'm trying to read the book, and honestly? I'm struggling, because I want to try non safe breath play on bloody Anastasia Steele.  So god knows if I'm going to make it to all the hot bondage, they keep twittering on about down at the hairdressers where my mum goes.  In fact today they said to her they thought mum had written it! (honestly she has a really smutty sense of humor, and like me can drop to the gutter in a second) oh when they finally go me off the floor laughing, all I managed was "Trust me you never use bloody cable ties." And off I strolled, I look forward to that penny going clank.

Anyhoo the real reason for the rant is this, remember my gen fic that was printed? well today the author's copy arrived.  As I sat there hugging it, cackling gleefully mum eyed it with suspicion.  "But why can't you make money from that?" She asked puzzled.

Now I know Kripke likes the fans, but I think even he would draw the line at me rocking up at a publisher with only a few name changes, and swearing this is an utterly original work (I mean no one has ever done that before have they?).  Again I explained patiently what fan fic is.  And this was her response after I said no I don't write like fifty shades, I write other  things .......

"Well I don't know why you don't try, look it doesn't matter if they snigger at porn, think of the money and why are you being so snotty about it?"

I repeated I write other things and I got, "Oh that's it keeping secrets from me again, I don't where that came from."  And she huffed off.

Now I can just imagine her face when I sit her down and tell her, well actually I do write porn, and there is this little thing called the bracelet verse that might just had a smidgin of bondage in.  And oh the two people in love, fucking like bunnies? well there both blokes.  I'm telling you my lap top would be smashed with a hammer, and possibly my fingers, and why am I a pervert?

I'm possibly overstating a little here, but no way would she get the gay thing, and I really would have to sit up a three O clock in the morning trying to write.  As I know I could never cope with the dark mutterings in the corner.

So the next person who tell me how bloody marvelous fifty sodding shades of gray is..... be warned I've got a stapler and I ain't afraid to use it!

Current Location: home
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
(Deleted comment)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 14th, 2012 05:29 pm (UTC)
Seriously the damn thing is like a plague! although I'd much rather have that, than the sucking lemon expressions some of them at work have if you mention S-E-X!!! God alone knows what they would do if they found out what I write....actually I ain't all that bothered I just don't need the hassle.

I only brought the bloody thing because mum kept banging on about it.
Dizzojay's Dean Dreamsdizzojay on July 14th, 2012 05:36 pm (UTC)
Heehee, just look ay my post from yesterday - talk about a hive mind!

The thing is, why would I want to pay good money to read that when I read far better, far raunchier stuff every day in our lovely fandom.

And the most delicious irony is that my colleages think I'm a prude because I'm not interested in reading it :)

sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 14th, 2012 05:53 pm (UTC)
Ahh your post from yesterday, it was wonderful! I was coming over to comment on it. Yes I smile sweetly at friends knowing there is far hotter stuff running rampant in our fandom.

As for my work, colleagues the office is split, those who have read it and think it's hot (hah!). Then there are those whose bum cheeks are so clenched about it, they squeak when they walk....tisking about the filth.

And then there is me who being bloody minded is trying to read it, but finding way better porn round these here parts! ahh the joy *G*
Dizzojay's Dean Dreamsdizzojay on July 14th, 2012 08:28 pm (UTC)
heehee, rampant is the word!

'Then there are those whose bum cheeks are so clenched about it, they squeak when they walk' - yes I know a few of those too :)

I am proud to say that my mind matches my hips ... broad!!!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2012 07:02 pm (UTC)
Oh yes the porn is very rampant! Just the way I like it *G*

Oh the joys of seeing those little faces pinched with disapproval, it makes you wonder how they managed to have kids!

Ah then that makes two of us with matching hips and minds *G*
Spudhay1ock on July 14th, 2012 10:55 pm (UTC)
If you haven't already you should read this reviews and then click through to the 2nd and 3rd book reviews. Had me laughing :P http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215

You should get that crazy idea of converting something in your mind again. Won't make you millions but maybe a few hundred quid. Maybe you could pay for an 'accident' to happen to your ever lovely mother :P
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)
That has got to be the best review I've ever seen. Highly amusing and boy do we share very similar opinions.

I can take a hint, I can just imagine mum's face if I were to do it, an accident hhhmmmmm now there's a thought *G*
quarter mile, bunch of horses & some gasolinecalijirl5150 on July 14th, 2012 11:13 pm (UTC)
I am discussed that a women wrote them. Are not women degraded enough !!!!!!!!!
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
Some days I just wonder about my own gender, I really do.
ferrous_wheelerferrous_wheeler on July 15th, 2012 04:43 am (UTC)
It's just me, but as soon as everybody starts going on about something, book or movie or whatever, that you just have to see, it makes me really, really never want to see it. And it's funny because people also think I'm a bit of a prude because I'm not interested in reading it, but they have no idea that there's far hotter stuff in fan-fiction.
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2012 07:52 pm (UTC)
No you're not alone with that one. And the prude thing, well I don't get that because some of my friends know I write fan fiction, and have a vague idea what I write *G*
Sweety pie: tbbt Your ken can kiss my Barbi!sweets31 on July 16th, 2012 06:58 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry your mom's giving you a hrd time, but the way you just wrote that was bloody hilarious!!!

Maybe the icon will help you coping with your mom: she'll never know and would never understand, so what? Next time ask her to lead by exmple... ;)
sasha_dragonsasha_dragon on July 16th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Hey no worries! It's a case of welcome to my life *G* I'm used to it now, and I'm so pleased you found this funny, that's made my day.

I spend a lot of time aiming for a zen like state, alternatively spinning more plots for my little scribbles! So the rants do come in handy.